


Echo in the Birdcage

by HomuraBakura



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! ARC-V
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Bondage, Electrocution, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, I swear to God i had no idea what Misery was until i started writing this, I'm so sorry for this, Kidnapping, Knives, M/M, Multi, Possessive Behavior, Psychological Trauma, Stockholm Syndrome, Torture, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Yuuboys are Brothers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-08-31 15:35:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 33,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8583940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HomuraBakura/pseuds/HomuraBakura
Summary: "I'll keep you, I'll keep you safe with me, no matter what it takes...no matter what I have to do, this time I'll keep you."Yuto died a year ago.  His former boyfriend, Shun, still thinks it's his fault.  Yuuri tells Yuya to say away from Shun, seeing the red flags, but Yuya is hurting from losing his brother too, so shouldn't he and Shun try to heal together?Shun wouldn't ever do anything to hurt him.Right?





	1. Before

**Author's Note:**

> For real take these tags seriously, okayyyyy? ^^; I should mention, although you should take the tags seriously, there is no actual rape in this story, only an attempt. There is a lot of other nonconsensual action, though, thus the tag. Please step carefully.
> 
> Just the notes here, this is an AU, the Yuuboys are all quadruplet brothers with Yusho and Yoko being their parents; Yusho is away for work most of the time. The bracelet girls are not related.
> 
> Everyone's aged up, the Yuuboys and the girls are all 18, Reiji is 21, Shun is 20, etc.
> 
> I SHOULDN'T BE STARTING THIS NOW BUT WHOOPS HERE WE ARE
> 
> I'm taking a darker turn with some of my fic lately I'm gonna have to write so much fluff to make up for this hahaaaaaa ^^;

“Are you sure you don't want me to drive you home?”

“It's all of two blocks, Shun. I'll be _fine_.”

“It's later than you normally go back, though. Let me at least walk with you.”

“No, no, I promise, it'll be fine. You're so overprotective.”

The boy laughed, though, pushing the other gently, teasingly. The other didn't look particularly convinced.

“Call me when you get there. So I know you made it.”

“Yes, _mother_.”

The shorter of the pair smiled, his teeth gleaming in the light streaming out of the other's door way. He leaned up to give the other a gentle kiss, a kiss that lingered for perhaps a little too long as the other's hands slid around his waist briefly.

But then he was breaking away, smiling with a small laugh.

“I'll see you tomorrow,” he said. “Love you, Shun.”

“Love you, Yuto.”

Another dazzling smile that glimmered in the light, and then he was turning around and disappearing, his black sweater vanishing into the darkness of a midnight city. The other stood at the door for a little while longer, staring out into the darkness as though he could watch him all the way back home.

Finally, the silhouette turned back into the house, to wait for him to call when he got home.

To wait for a call that was never coming.

 

 


	2. One Year Later

“All I'm saying is—it's not—no, first off, Rin—”

Yugo's voice on the phone could be heard all the way from the other side of the house, and it was making focusing on this script analysis for Yuya's theater tech project very, very difficult.

Yuya pushed his hands into his hair and tried to ignore it, but Yugo's voice echoed. A lot. He was so focusing on _not_ paying attention to his brother that he didn't notice his _other_ brother walk into the kitchen until he heard the fridge open. Yuya's phone buzzed at the same time, and he glanced at it as Yuuri paused, eyes flickering over to Yuya while he pulled out no less than three cans of Monster.

“Yugo and Rin ought to just start fucking already, huh?” Yuuri said as he popped open his first can. “At least that would be more pleasurable to listen to than their constant bitching.”

Yuya's nose wrinkled as Yuuri literally downed the entire can of Monster in about two seconds, tossing it in the sink before going for his second can.

“You're going to destroy the inner lining of your stomach,” Yuya said.

Yuuri rolled his eyes and took another gulp.

“Leave the worrying about what biological travesty is occurring to my body to the actual biology major,” he said. “Do your homework.”

“Yes, _mother_ ,” Yuya said.

Yuuri looked at him as though Yuya had just insulted him in the worst way possible. Yuya rolled his eyes and reached for his phone to check who had messaged him.

 _Are you free this evening after six twenty?_ it read. Yuya grinned. Reiji. He was always so exact about the times. Yuya was just starting to type out a response when his phone buzzed again.

Oh that one was from...

Yuya's face must have changed somehow because Yuuri paused on his way back to his room with the extra can of Monster under his arm. His eyes trailed back to Yuya and Yuya automatically glanced up to meet his eyes.

“That's not Kurosaki again, is it?”

“None of your business,” Yuya said, quickly ducking his phone away from Yuuri's glance.

“Fine, I'll just hack your phone remotely, later.”

“Don't you fuc—”

“ _That_ sounded like a naughty word about to come out of your mouth,” a voice called from the front hall, and Yuya flushed as Yuuri grinned widely.

“Mom, I'm _eighteen_!” Yuya shouted back down the hall.

“Until you're out from under my roof, kiddo, you talk like a respectable person!” Yoko shouted back. “Now someone get down here and help me with these groceries, your mom has the back of an eighty-year-old.”

Yuuri was gone so fast that Yuya could swear an afterimage of him was left behind on the air. Yuya could still hear Yugo bickering with Rin in the living room, so that left him he guessed.

He groaned as he rose from the table, sparing his phone one brief glance to see the message that Kurosaki had left him.

_Could you come over? Had another nightmare._

Yuya gnawed on his lip, hoping it wasn't as bad as last time...

He hurried to help his mom with the groceries quickly, so that he could run over as quickly as he could, leaving his homework forgotten on the table.

* * *

“I don't like it.”

“What? Yuya going over to Kurosaki's?”

“No, the fact that you and Rin can't figure out how to bang your problems away instead of constantly bitching. _Yes,_ Yuya going over to Kurosaki's.”

Yugo sat straight up on his bed, his face going a tomato red.

“Rin and I are _not—_ ”

“Whatever. Just...shut up. I don't even know why I bother talking to you sometimes.”

Yuuri waved a jerky, dismissive hand at the air. His eyes flickered to the window of the small room that he was _forced_ to share with Yugo. The dulcet tones of his favorite MMO played through his headphones as he saw the shadow of Yuya walking out into the street, his phone glowing against the slowly setting sun. Yuuri pressed his lips together and resolved to send a text to Reiji, to let him know that Yuya was setting off towards Kurosaki's again.

He didn't want to admit how much it scared him seeing Yuya go out by himself near sunset.

Didn't want to admit the nightmares he had of seeing Yuya's body in a casket next.

He quickly reached for his phone, typing out a message to Dennis to give him a second before they started into the dungeon. He sent off a message letting Reiji know that Yuya was going to Kurosaki's house and to pick him up from there. It would be dark by the time Yuya left from Kurosaki's to meet Reiji for their date, and Yuuri didn't want him walking through the dark alone.

Feeling only a tiny bit better, he turned his eyes back to his computer screen.

“I don't see what the big deal is,” Yugo said, still red in the face as he leaned back on his hands. “I mean....everybody's....still hurting...right?”

Yuuri flubbed an attack. He bit off a swear as the monster landed a hit on his character, Dennis' voice coming through Mumble with a _“how did you miss that??”_

Yuuri grit his teeth and tried to focus in on the game. Yugo, however, didn't seem to be able to read the atmosphere—the unspoken rule that _no one was supposed to talk about it_.

“I mean, Yuya and...and Yuto were closer than anyone,” he said. “So doesn't it make sense that he and Kurosaki should be helping each other out to—”

“It doesn't!” Yuuri shouted, throwing his headphones off. He'd explain to Dennis later but his hands were shaking so badly that he couldn't even type. “It doesn't make sense, Yugo! Do you not have _eyes_??”

Did he not _see_ the way that Kurosaki's eyes caught over Yuya every time he saw him, did he not notice the flicker at the back of his expression every time Yuya smiled? The way that Kurosaki's hands always lingered a little too long on Yuya's shoulders after a hug, the way that he kept automatically reaching for Yuya's hand at the wrong moments?

Did he not see that Kurosaki wasn't seeing Yuya at all?

“We're all fucking hurting, Yugo! That doesn't give Kurosaki the fucking right to _use_ Yuya like this and drag him out of the house every fucking five minutes! It's been a _year,_ Yugo! Yuto wants us to move on!”

Yugo actually looked like Yuuri had just punched him in the face, and for a moment, he didn't speak. Yuuri couldn't quite breathe, and it was taking him everything he had just to be able to sit still with his heart racing so quickly that he felt like his entire body was rocking.

He ran his tongue over his suddenly dry lips, and all at once the room felt too tight.

“I'm going out,” he said, standing up so quickly that he almost knocked his chair over. “Don't wait up for me.”

“Yuuri—”

Yuuri wasn't listening—he could hear Dennis' tinny voice faintly from the speakers of his headphones, but he'd text Dennis after he was out. He stormed out of the house, not even grabbing his sweater against the cold night, only checking to make sure that his pocket knife was still in his pocket.

Maybe tonight he'd get lucky.

Maybe tonight he'd run into Yuto's murderer.

* * *

Kurosaki was a mess. Worse than usual, and that was saying something. He clearly hadn't showered since the last time Yuya had seen him, and there were heavy bags under his eyes, his hair matted and limp around his face, his pajamas crumpled. He looked like he had been crying, and Yuya could tell that it was taking everything he had just to stand up to answer the door.

Kurosaki's voice cracked when he tried to say Yuya's name, and it just came out as a garble. Heart leaping, Yuya quickly caught him under the arms to support him.

“Hang on, hang on, it's okay. I'm here. Let's get you someplace to sit down. I'll make you some tea.”

Kurosaki could only mumble in response. Yuya heaved him carefully through the door and over to the couch, resting him against the back and checking his temperature. He didn't have a fever anymore, at least. That was good. Yuya wondered if Ruri had convinced him to see the doctor.

He stepped back to go towards the kitchenette. Kurosaki's hand snaked out like a whip, clamping around his wrist.

“Don't go,” he said huskily, his throat sounding tight with tears. “Please...don't go.”

Yuya put his hand on top of Kurosaki's, smiling reassuringly.

“I'm just walking over to the kitchen,” he said. “You'll be able to see me. I'm right here. I promise.”

Kurosaki looked up at him, bleary-eyed. After a moment longer, his grip loosened on Yuya's wrist, and Yuya was able to slip free. Yuya walked back to the kitchen and pulled the kettle from the cupboard; he knew where everything was by now.

“Where's Ruri tonight?” Yuya asked.

Kurosaki grunted once, as though to clear his throat.

“...Selena's,” he said after a beat. “They're having dinner.”

Yuya nodded. He had figured as much. Ruri had been going out with Selena a lot more often lately—Kurosaki had been calling Yuya a lot more often lately, too. He didn't do well when he was alone....Yuya couldn't help but feel the barest twist of anger in his stomach that _he_ had to be the one that came and cleaned up for Kurosaki every time he crashed...Ruri was always out with her girlfriend when her brother needed him—

No, no, that was...that was not a good thing to think. Yuya wasn't upset with Kurosaki for being like this, and he didn't expect Ruri to drop her entire life for her brother...not when she and Selena were getting so close lately. He couldn't blame her for needing a break, honestly...he felt like he was starting to get really tired himself, despite wanting so desperately to make sure Kurosaki was okay.

Yuya wished Kurosaki would take his and Ruri's advice and look into group therapy. It had helped Yuya a lot, but Kurosaki wouldn't go with him to any of the sessions.

Yuya set the kettle to boil on the stove, looking for the tea. Ruri had bought some kind of herbal stuff, and Yuya set to work portioning out the leaves into two tea balls that he dropped into two mugs.

“I dreamed about him again,” Kurosaki mumbled from the couch. “I dreamed about the day he died again.”

Yuya winced. His heart clenched up a bit, but he tried to bear it. It helped to talk. He knew that. He could try and listen for Kurosaki's sake.

“If I had just...if I hadn't let him go home by himself...”

Yuya turned towards Shun, feeling his heart clench up. This wasn't the first, even the tenth time Kurosaki had gone down this line of thought, and it hurt every single time.

“It's not your fault,” Yuya said. “It's _not_ your fault, Kurosaki.”

Kurosaki just pressed a hand over his eyes, as though to hide the tears, but he couldn't hide the single drop that rolled down his cheek.

“Yu....Yuya,” he mumbled. “Can you stay with me a little longer? I don't think I can handle the dark right now.”

Yuya thought about Reiji, waiting for him to meet him soon. His stomach turned guiltily. He couldn't stay that long...but Kurosaki needed someone right now....

 _Kurosaki always needs you_ , a treacherous voice whispered at the back of his head. _Aren't you tired of it already?_

No, no, no, that was—that was a bad thought. He needed to be there for his friend.

“ _Take care of yourself too, you dumbass_ ,” Yuuri's voice echoed in his head. He winced. He had...he _had_ been skipping out on Reiji a lot lately for Kurosaki, and it was...he couldn't deny that it was really, really wearing on him. He _missed_ Reiji....he hadn't gotten to hang out with him in a few weeks due to their schedules and....

And he couldn't deny how tired he was...how much he just wanted to lean on Reiji and just breathe for a little bit.

“I'm sorry, I can't stay very long,” Yuya said finally. “But I can hang out for a while, before I meet Reiji.”

For a moment, he thought the room got a little bit colder, and for a second, he felt like...like something was crackling in the air, setting his hair on end.

The sensation passed so quickly that he thought that maybe he imagined it.

“R-right,” Kurosaki mumbled. “Can't keep your boyfriend waiting...I understand.”

Yuya relaxed.

“Come here, have some of this tea,” he said, lifting the tea ball out of the hot water. “It'll help you feel better. Promise.”

 


	3. The Day Before

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> // warnings for brief mentions of physical abuse and a reference to self harm

The light knock at the door broke Yuya's soft chatter filling up the air and Yuya looked up, away from Shun.

“I'll go see who it is,” Yuya said, and he got off the couch, leaving a cold spot where he had just been. Shun curled his fingers into the armrest and tried to breathe. It was hard, when there wasn't someone sitting next to him.

He heard the door slide open, heard Yuya's soft voice in surprise and another voice, one...was that....oh _shit_. It was Akaba.

The voices grew a little louder as they came back towards the living room.

“How did you know I was here?”

“Yuuri texted me...he didn't want you walking to the station by yourself at night.”

“Ugh,” Yuya said, sounding annoyed. “I swear, I'm going to have to talk to him.”

“He just worries....like me.”

Shun heard them pause in the entryway, and he thought he could imagine in his mind's eye that Akaba's hand was going onto Yuya's shoulder and he was leaning down to kiss Yuya briefly in that way he did.

It made Shun's stomach twist and his nails dig into the arm of the couch.

“Besides, I figured you both might be able to use an extra hand,” Akaba said, softly, as though Shun wasn't able to fucking hear.

Then they were both around the corner, and Shun could see that faint smile on Yuya's face that he only had when Akaba was around and it made Shun want to fucking hurl.

Akaba half smiled at Shun.

“How are you doing?” he said, softly, like he was about to psychoanalyze him or something. “I brought some food for you and Ruri; I heard you haven't been eating well.”

Shun only grunted—he didn't trust himself to say anything else. Not when he could see Akaba's hand resting lightly on the small of Yuya's back, so familiarly, so easily.

Akaba's smile faltered only a little bit, but he nodded.

“I'll put it in the fridge for you.”

He squeezed Yuya's hand briefly before walking back towards the kitchenette. Yuya watched him go, and Shun couldn't help but notice how relaxed his expression looked now. He never looked like that when it was just the two of them. Shun tried to swallow around the hate bubbling up in his throat.

Yuya wandered back over to Shun, and he put his hand on top of his. Instantly, the touch of his cool skin made the muscles in Shun's hand relax, and he felt his chest untangle. Yuya smiled at him gently.

“Is there anything I can get for you right now?” he said.

Shun glanced up at him, met his eyes—he was trying so hard not to but...

He almost cried when he saw Yuto's eyes looking down at him instead. He never wanted to look right at Yuya, he looked...he looked so much like Yuto that it hurt, it made Shun want to throw up because it was like Yuto was right there, right within his reach, so that he could just reach out, cup his face, and kiss him so hard like he was here again—

Shun closed his eyes to break the image and tried to breathe.

He shook his head.

“I'm fine,” he said. “Go...go out with your boyfriend. I'll be fine.”

He briefly allowed himself to curl his fingers up into Yuya's, to feel his cool skin...his hand was just the same shape as Yuto's....it felt exactly the same weight and breadth. His fingernails even looked like Yuto's.

He let go when he saw Akaba stand up from the fridge, tucking the now empty cloth bag under his arm.

Yuya squeezed Shun's hand once more.

“I'll call you tonight, okay?” he said, looking worried. “Take care of yourself.”

“Right.”

Akaba half smiled at him one more time and it took everything Shun had not to flip him off. What the fuck did he even think he was doing here...

Yuya walked back over to Akaba, and Shun looked away when Yuya's hand slid into Akaba's. Yuya gave him one last glance and smile before both of them walked towards the door. After he heard the door close, Shun shifted up to his feet. He shoved his hands under his armpits against the cold, and walked over to the door to peek through the curtains.

Yuya walked down the sidewalk, hand-in-hand with Akaba, and his head tilted back with a laugh at something Akaba had said—oh, god, he looked like like Yuto, that dazzling smile spreading over his face, the way that he tilted his head to the left when he giggled, the way that he pushed a hand to his mouth as though to stifle it before letting it roll out. It was the most beautiful thing that Shun had ever seen...

Except that it was Akaba that was holding Yuya's hand. It was _Akaba_ that was smiling back after making Yuya laugh, Akaba who was leaning over to kiss Yuya on the forehead—

Shun closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against the cold window.

No, no, no...Yuya wasn't Yuto. It wasn't....he wasn't....

Shun pushed away from the door and back to the cold, quiet, dark house. Maybe somewhere in the shadows he could drown his dreams away.

* * *

“Niisan, I'm home.”

Ruri's voice echoed through the house and Shun stirred out of sleep. He had passed out on the couch...when? He didn't remember.

Ruri appeared around the corner, her purse under her arm as she fumbled to pull the floofy purple feather earrings off of her ears. Her hair was coming a bit out of her bun, and her cheeks were flushed a little more than perhaps the cold should have made them. Shun tried to feel something, irritation, maybe, that Ruri's smudged lipstick meant that Selena had been as aggressive as usual with their makeout sessions, but he honestly couldn't bring himself to care, except for a rumble of irritation that Ruri was much later than she said she was going to be.

“Are you doing okay?” she said, tilting her head as she placed her earrings and purse on the counter. “Looks like you haven't moved from that spot.”

Shun just shrugged, and he could see the flicker of uncertainty in Ruri's eyes. She swallowed, hands braced against the counter for a moment. Then she pasted on a very fake looking smile and a very fake sounding cheerful attitude.

“Well, okay, what do you want for dinner? I'll try and make something...”

She opened the fridge, her smile slipping a little as she probably saw the other food in the fridge.

“Who brought this?” she asked.

“Akaba,” Shun said.

“Oh—Reiji-kun came over?”

“To pick up Yuya.”

Ruri's lips parted. Whatever she had been about to say, it didn't come out. She shook her head, and pulled out the tin that Akaba had left. She lifted the lid a little to peek inside, and a smile came over her face. She walked over to the oven, turning the dial as she set the dish on top.

“So...Yuya came over again?” she said.

Shun grunted. Ruri didn't turn around as she started opening cupboards.

“He...you call him over a lot, you know.”

Shun's eyes flickered up to the back of Ruri's head. What was she getting at?

“And?” he said.

“I don't know. I just...I just wonder if...maybe you're leaning on him a little too heavily.”

Shun tried not to, but his lip curled anyway.

“Well, _someone_ is never in the house.”

Ruri's hands froze on the plates in the middle of pulling them down. He could see her hands shaking slightly, and she very, very carefully set the plates down. She swallowed, her back still to him as her hands pressed against the counter.

“You...you don't realize how you get when you come out of a nightmare, do you?” she said.

Shun blinked.

“What are you talking about?”

“I'm talking about...I'm talking about the broken vase in the hall, Shun. I'm talking about the mirror that I'm still too afraid to replace, because you'll probably just shatter it again. I'm talking about the _hole_ in the wall between our rooms.”

Shun felt something in him stir a little, and he couldn't tell if he was sick, or getting angry.

“Ruri...”

Ruri turned with a snap, her dress fluttering around her calves.

“Listen to me, Shun,” she said. “You're not getting better. You're not _letting_ yourself get better.”

Shun leaned forward on the couch, his hands rolling into fists. His stomach was bubbling, _boiling_ even.

“You expect me to get over the _murder_ of my boyfriend over night??” he said.

“It's been over a year, Shun!” she said, throwing her arms in the air. “It's getting to the point where I—where I don't even feel _safe_ around you! What if it's me that you reach for when you need to break something next?”

Shun's heart dropped into his stomach.

“You can't—you can't _possibly_ think that I would—”

“That's the thing, Shun,” Ruri said, tears bubbling to the corners of her eyes. “I don't know what to think anymore. I don't—I don't know how to think about you. You're not even trying...do you think this is what Yuto wanted for you?”

For a moment, Shun thought he whited out. When he came back to himself, he was standing up, his hands in fists at his sides.

“How the fuck could you possibly know what Yuto wanted for me,” he hissed.

“He was my _best friend_ , Shun!” Ruri said, her voice rising up to almost a screech. “You think you were the only one that lost something that night??”

“You can't for a fucking second understand—”

“So you'll break things, is that it? You'll break things and you'll rage and then you'll go quiet again, and you'll _use_ Yuya like a fucking cane! I see the way you treat him, Shun, I see how you make him panic every single time you call him and say you're thinking of hurting yourself! I see what you're doing to him, and it's not _fair_ , Shun! It's not fair to him, to me, or to you! It's not going to bring Yuto back—nothing is going to bring Yuto back!”

“What do you want from me?” Shun bellowed, his entire body shaking. “You want me to just—to just pretend like everything is okay? To act like I'm just a happy fucking songbird flitting around like nothing's wrong?”

“I want you to go get _help_ , Shun!” Ruri said. “I want you to get better!”

“Well, I'm _sorry_ , princess, but not all of can go drown our fucking sorrows by making out with our girlfriends and hoping we choke! Do you really think you'd be holding together better than me if it was Selena that got killed that night?? _Do you?!_ ”

Ruri actually flinched, her eyes widening and her bottom lip trembling. Then her hands rolled up into fists at her sides.

“Shun, this is it,” she whispered. “You have to get help.”

“Oh, really? Or what?”

Ruri said something so quiet that Shun couldn't hear her at first. He stepped forward.

“I'm sorry, what was that?”

Ruri swallowed.

“Or I'm leaving, Shun. You need to promise me you're going to try something, anything. Therapy, medicine, I don't care. Or I'm moving out. I can't feel safe in this house anymore.”

Shun felt as though he had just been punched in the gut.

Ruri...gone?

Just him, alone in this cavernous house of darkness and cold and loneliness, nothing between him and the nightmares except a thin curtain of blanket.

“I already talked to Selena,” she whispered. “She said I could live with her at her apartment; she has the space because her roommate moved out. So either you get help, Shun, or I'm gone. I can't do this anymore.”

Shun wasn't really sure what happened next. Everything felt like a blur, a brief whiting out of his senses, and when he came to—

Ruri cowered against the counter, her hair caught in his hand, tears rolling out of her eyes as she batted wildly at his hand, her voice so thick with tears that he couldn't hear what she was babbling—

He was so shocked that he let go of her immediately, staggered back.

Ruri didn't waste any time—she bolted out from around him. She grabbed her purse, knocking the earrings off of the counter in her hurry, and careened towards the door.

He was still standing there, hands shaking, when he heard the door slam.

He lifted his hands, staring at his palms. Had he...had he really just...?

The next thing he knew, he was on the ground, another blur of memory making him forget how exactly he had gotten here—curled up in a ball, his hands clamped to the sides of his head, sobbing into the linoleum.

“ _Nothing will bring Yuto back.”_

For some reason, those were the words that Ruri had said that clattered around his mind the most. Maybe it was because he was alone. Maybe it was because...because Ruri was gone, too, now, and it was just him, just him laying on the floor, and it had all started with Yuto. It had all started with him, when he disappeared, when he left Shun alone and wouldn't come back—

“ _Nothing—”_

In his mind's eye, he saw Yuya all at once, saw him putting his hand on top of Shun's and smiling the same way that Yuto always had.

“— _will bring—”_

He saw Yuya—Yuto—tilting his head down to hide his laugh, cheeks growing slightly red from the cold and the cheer.

“— _Yuto back.”_

Shun gasped to himself. It all made sense now. Why hadn't it occurred to him before?

Yuya's hands, the same shape and feel as Yuto's, Yuya's face, the same perfect curve to his cheekbones, Yuya's—Yuto's eyes, brilliant and sparkling when he smiled, Yuto's smile, wide and dazzling and free. Shun almost laughed—it all made so much sense. Why hadn't he...why hadn't he noticed it before? Why had it taken Ruri leaving for him to realize?

Yuto already had come back.

Yuto had _already_ come back.

* * *

Yuya felt pleasantly sleepy. He yawned, leaning his head against Reiji's shoulder, letting his eyes flutter shut.

“You're warm,” he mumbled.

Reiji laughed softly, tucking his arm around Yuya's shoulders to hold him closer.

“Be honest: you only date me because you're trying to steal my body heat.”

“Mmmmf....guilty,” Yuya said as he buried his face into Reiji's scarf.

Reiji chuckled. He lifted his scarf a bit so that he could draw it around both of them, and Yuya snuggled up beside him. The train bumped softly along under them, the night sky glimmering just outside the window. Reiji could see their reflection perfectly in the window across from them, just the two of them, snuggled up together on the train, heading home after a lovely dinner.

“Man, I didn't finish my tech homework,” Yuya mumbled. “You're a meanie, Reiji, taking me out on a school night.”

“You don't have class until two,” Reiji pointed out with a chuckle. “You have time.”

“Ugh, but that's sleeping time.”

They both laughed, and Reiji tightened his hand around Yuya's shoulder. Yuya's phone buzzed, and Reiji could feel it pressed against his pants.

“Ugh, it's probably Yuuri,” Yuya mumbled. “Hang on.”

He fumbled between them for a moment, eventually having to get out of their shared scarf in order to pull it free. He flipped it open, staring at the screen. Reiji could see his face drop ever so slightly.

“It's Kurosaki, isn't it?” Reiji said.

“...yeah,” Yuya said. He bit his lip, fingers hovering over the keyboard. “He says he and Ruri had a fight...”

Reiji hated the way Yuya's face looked when Kurosaki was brought up. He always looked so sick...pale...worried. He didn't doubt that Yuya truly wanted to help Kurosaki, and he didn't deny that Kurosaki needed it, but....at what cost to Yuya?

After a beat, Reiji raised his hand and pushed Yuya's phone down.

“Yuya...you don't want to hear this but...but please....leave it. For tonight.”

“But what if he...”

Reiji squeezed Yuya's shoulder.

“You are the kindest, most generous person I have ever met,” Reiji whispered. “But sometimes, that's going to hurt you...you're going to stretch yourself too far.”

He curled his fingers around Yuya's phone so that he could touch Yuya's hands. He used his other hand to push the bangs from Yuya's face, and kiss him gently on the forehead. Yuya leaned into it, his eyes closing for a moment.

“You've done so much for him already,” Reiji said. “He can't keep using you like this...he needs to decide to help himself.”

“I...I know that,” Yuya said.

Reiji pressed Yuya's head gently against his chest, tucking him just under his chin.

“It's not selfish to take care of yourself once in a while,” he whispered. “Please...Yuya. I don't like the way this hurts you. Please...just for tonight. Please don't stretch yourself like this.”

Yuya hesitated for a second. Then he slowly, slowly shut the phone, and snuggled closer to Reiji.

“...okay,” he said, and Reiji could hear just the faintest bit of relief in his voice. Reiji closed his eyes, breathing with relief.

This was all right. As long as Yuya was all right in this moment, it was all right.

 


	4. Day One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> // obligatory warning for use of knock out drugs

“Yuuri, have you seen my...oh, there it is, never mind!”

Yuya was rushing around again. Geez. He was actually getting ready to go early for once, and he was still running around like a maniac. Yuuri flipped the page in his manga and tried to ignore his brother running back and forth across the room.

“You just went on a date yesterday,” he said. “Keep this up and you two are going to be married before Christmas.”

“Oh haha,” Yuya said, sticking his tongue out at Yuuri before he ran to the bathroom. Yuuri rolled his eyes, flipping the page. Yugo was still out at his apprenticeship, and their mother had gone out with a few friends, so in a few moments, it would be just Yuuri and the blessed silence of an empty house—as soon as Yuya got his ass out of here.

Yuuri's phone made let out a horror movie shriek and he heard Yuya yelp.

“Are you still using that fricking ring tone?” he shouted from the bathroom.

“It's hilarious,” Yuuri said by way of response, flipping the phone open to see who was calling. Oh, Selena. Had he forgotten a raid they were supposed to be going on tonight? Dennis hadn't said anything...oh right. He and Dennis weren't talking again. He sometimes forgot when they weren't on speaking terms.

He clicked to receive the call and pulled the receiver to his ear.

“Yes?” he said.

“Kurosaki lost it,” Selena said—ever to the point, right away.

Yuuri blinked.

“I'm sorry?”

“I mean, Kurosaki _lost_ it yesterday, Yuuri,” Selena said. Was it just Yuuri, or could he hear someone crying in the background? “Ruri left the house. We need to go back and get her stuff but Kurosaki's still there, and Ruri doesn't feel safe going back. I want you to come with me and grab her things tomorrow.”

“Wait, go back,” Yuuri said. He put his manga down and leaned forward, pressing his phone to his ear. “Kurosaki _attacked_ her?”

“He—Ruri? Ruri, sh, sh, it's gonna be okay. I'm right here, babe. I'm right here.”

Yuuri could only hear Selena whispering soothingly to Ruri and a few scattered sobs before Selena came back to the phone.

“Yes, he...he attacked her,” Selena said. “Look, Yuuri, Kurosaki doesn't ever leave the house, but I'm not letting him keep her stuff just because he's an ass. I'm not lugging all that stuff by myself so are you going to come and help me or not?”

“I—hang on, just—”

Yuuri's heart was hammering in his rib cage and it was suddenly hard to breathe. Kurosaki had actually...his own _sister?_ He adored Ruri. What did...

He heard Yuya humming in the bathroom and he felt something in him go cold.

“Selena, I will call you back—no, don't—yes, I will come and help you tomorrow, but just, let me call you back.”

He hung up before she could protest or discuss times with him, dropping his phone on top of his manga with a fwapping sound.

Yuya burst out of the bathroom just as Yuuri reached the door, still humming, comb in his hand as he finished combing out the last of his bangs.

“What's up with that face?” Yuya said. “You look like your server just crashed.”

“Don't go see Kurosaki anymore,” Yuuri said.

Yuya blinked, his lips parting.

“....what?”

“Don't go see him anymore. Don't go anywhere near him. He's not safe. He's not stable. Don't get close to him again.”

Yuya laughed awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck.

“W-wow, okay, where did this come from...? I know you don't like him very much, but—”

Yuuri grabbed Yuya by the shoulders, resisting the urge to shake him. Resisting the instinct to imagine his being the body twisted on the sidewalk, eyes staring at nothing until they were closed and he was heaved into a casket and thrown under the ground.

“This isn't about me liking him or not,” Yuuri hissed. “You have to stay away from him. Listen to me—Kurosaki just—”

“No, you listen to me,” Yuya said, his voice suddenly harsh.

He peeled Yuuri's hands off of his shoulders, stepping back with a glare.

“Kurosaki is my friend—he's been my friend since before he and Yuto started dating. I'm not going to abandon him just because you don't like him!”

“Yuya, he just—”

“No, I'm not listening!! Kurosaki is hurting—he's hurting just like us!! Okay?? Not all of us can just go around pretending like it didn't happen—not all of us still get to go to sleep with someone in the bed on the other side of the room!”

Yuuri actually lost his breath, as though he had been punched in the gut. Yuya was actually shaking, tears in the corners of his eyes.

“Reiji is waiting,” he mumbled. “I have to go.”

Yuya darted away before Yuuri could snag him. He grabbed his wallet and ran for the door, Yuuri on his heels.

“We're not done with this conversation!” he shouted. “All right?? We're not done!”

His words hung on empty air as Yuya vanished into the cold autumn dusk. Yuuri could only stand there, bracing himself on the doorframe, feeling his heart race and his throat close.

He swallowed thickly.

 _He's going to see Reiji,_ he thought. _He's safe with Reiji. He'll be okay. We can talk later when we're...when we're both all here._

His pulse was racing in his ears, and it was all he could do to slowly, slowly slide to the floor, sitting in the doorway with the cold air washing over him.

 _We can talk later_ , he reassured himself. _It'll be okay_.

* * *

His feet almost moved by themselves, his phone shaking in his hand in his pocket. Yuya tried to swallow but his throat felt so tight. What was up with Yuuri? Kurosaki was upset, not unstable...Kurosaki was his _friend_.

He hadn't answered his phone this morning. Yuya wondered if he was angry with him for not responding last night after his date with Reiji....he shouldn't have ignored him. He'd have to do something to make up for it.

He checked his watch. He had left really early...he had a minute to stop by, right...? Make sure things were okay.

He realized, just then, that his legs had already brought him to Kurosaki's street, feet away from his house. Yuya's stomach turned a bit. Maybe he shouldn't. Maybe he'd be interrupting, or bothering him...maybe Kurosaki really was angry with him and wouldn't want to see him. He had actually never just come over before...Kurosaki usually called him first.

Well...just for a minute. He'd just say hello on his way over.

His feet moved themselves up the sidewalk, and he reached for the doorbell and rang it.

For a moment, there was only the sound of the bell echoing in the silence, a ring at the back of his head that continued long after it had actually disappeared.

It took a long few seconds before the door pulled open, and Kurosaki appeared.

He actually looked a lot better, Yuya thought with a start. His hair was clean instead of greasy, and his face looked fresher. He was in actual clothes, too, a black turtleneck and dark, beat up jeans. For a moment, Kurosaki just stared at him, lips parting.

“Sorry,” Yuya said quickly. “I know I'm here unannounced, I just—I was on the way to the station to meet Reiji and I thought I'd check in on you. I...I missed your text until this morning.”

The lie hurt a bit but he didn't want to admit that he had decided to ignore Kurosaki. He especially didn't want to admit the relief that had come along with ignoring him.

For a second, he thought Kurosaki's eyes darkened a bit.

Then he shrugged.

“I'm fine, I guess,” he said, sounding not at all fine. “Do you want to come in for a minute?”

“Well...I shouldn't keep Reiji waiting....”

Again, that strange flicker over Shun's eyes.

“Right. Of course.”

He tilted his head.

“I...I made some tea. You want a cup before you go?”

Yuya really shouldn't; he had extra time but he didn't want to be late _again_. Then again, it was really, really cold out, and this was the first time that Shun had actually made the tea, so.....Yuya really _did_ feel guilty about ignoring him last night.

“Sure,” he said. “Thanks, Kurosaki.”

Kurosaki's eye twitched a bit, but maybe Yuya had just imagined it. He held the door open for Yuya and let him in, closing it behind him. Yuya hovered at the doorway. He didn't want to take his shoes off because he wasn't staying, but he didn't want to walk through Kurosaki's house without taking his shoes off.

Luckily, Kurosaki just stepped up onto the hall floor and walked down to the kitchenette, returning with a hot mug.

“Thanks,” Yuya said, grateful for the heat against his hands. “So, uh...you and Ruri...what...happened?”

Kurosaki had already started to take a sip of his tea so Yuya waited for him to finish.

“...Ruri suggested I go to therapy,” he said. “I...I didn't take it well.”

“Oh,” Yuya said, looking down into his cup. “Uh...where is she, then?”

“I think she's still mad at me. Probably sleeping over at Selena's.”

“Ah.”

Yuya stared at his tea again, letting the scent wash over his face. It was...a very nice floral scent. Nothing at all like the stuff he had been making for Kurosaki before. He wondered where it had come from.

“And...and what do you think about that?”

“About what?” Kurosaki said.

“Getting...getting help.”

Kurosaki's nose wrinkled slightly.

“Just...drink your tea and go. I'll be fine.”

Yuya glanced up quickly at him, wondering if he really was mad that Yuya hadn't responded or called last night like he had said he would. Kurosaki wasn't looking at him, though, so it was hard to tell, just drinking his tea as he stared off at the wall.

Yuya ducked his head down towards his tea again, drinking a little bit to prevent himself from burning his tongue. ...oh. It was...really sweet! He took another deep sip. It was just the right temperature, too, Kurosaki must have just finished steeping it.

“This is really good,” he said, looking up.

At least...

That's what he tried to say.

The words came out more like a muse of “rely gud” and when he looked up at Kurosaki the whole world started to spin. He flopped a hand to his forehead, squinting—why was the whole world getting blurry all of a sudden? He felt...he felt like he was going to throw up—

Almost distantly, he heard his mug shatter against the floor as he keeled forward. Kurosaki caught him in both arms, his own mug broken and leaking across the floor. He guided Yuya slowly to the ground, whispering soothing sounds that Yuya couldn't hear, his hand stroking through Yuya's hair. Why—why did Yuya feel so heavy? He couldn't move his arms...he couldn't...he couldn't keep his eyes open...

“I...wha...” he mumbled.

“Sh,” Kurosaki whispered, stroking his hair, his arms cradling Yuya against him. “It's okay...it's all right. I've got you...”

Yuya tried to struggle to alertness—he had somewhere to be...he had to...

“R..rei..ji...got to...”

Kurosaki's fingers briefly dug into his arm and he gasped.

“It's fine,” Kurosaki said, his voice a little harsher. “I'm going to take care of you. It's going to be okay.”

Then it hit Yuya all at once.

 _I've been drugged_ , he thought with horror. _Kurosaki—Kurosaki drugged me._

A panic rose up his throat that almost stirred him to life enough to fight—he flailed his arms upwards and tried to kick, the adrenaline briefly giving him the boost to try and push himself free of Kurosaki's arms. Kurosaki's grip simply tightened around him, holding him tight and warm to his chest.

“Sh,” he whispered, stroking Yuya's forehead. “It's all right...go to sleep...it's going to be okay...”

A few unbidden tears rolled out of Yuya's eyes, and then all at once, the darkness closed in around him and he was gone.

 


	5. Night One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> // warnings for kidnap, bondage, implied threat of physical harm

Yuya woke slowly. He thought, for a moment, that his eyes were still closed—but no, it was just really dark. He blinked as a street lamp passed by, shining through the window and blinding him for a moment. He could feel the world moving underneath him...was he in a car? Why was he in a car? His head felt like it was full of cotton, and it was hard to breathe....he tried to swallow and found it hard—what—what was in his mouth?

Yuya tried to push on it with his tongue and found that his mouth was stuffed with some kind of cloth, like a sock, maybe, pushed tightly into his mouth by a thick pad of tape pulled around his head. A brief panic washed over him, and for a second he couldn't breathe—his hands weren't responding to him, either. He briefly struggled against whatever was holding them together, and found it much too tight and tough.

He was...his hands were taped together, behind his back. His ankles were taped together too, leaving him helpless; a seat belt was pulled over him to keep him in place on the car seat.

Oh _god_ , where was he? What had—the last thing he remembered was—

He tried to lean forward, kicking his legs and squirming against the bonds, panic thrumming in his chest.

A streetlight washed over him again, and he saw the shadow in the driver's seat of the car. Kurosaki glanced back over his shoulder, eyes glinting from the light in the clock on the dash. His hand reached back and rested briefly on Yuya's knee.

“Sh,” he whispered, his voice low and soothing. “It's okay. Calm down.”

Calm _down_?? Yuya was supposed to calm _down???_ Yuya tried to swallow through his panic—he needed to not choke on his own air. It was hard, though, with his heart thrumming in his chest so badly that he was shaking, and his whole body trembling. Why was he tied up in the back of Kurosaki's car? Kurosaki's hand on his knee felt like a burning brand and he wished he could squirm away from it.

It was then that he realized the fabric that Shun's hand rested against wasn't...wasn't his pants. He looked down at himself, trying to crane his neck down at his body. This was...wait... A simple button down gray shirt with a long black tie and black jeans...this was...this was something Yuto used to wear. When had...had—oh _god,_ had Kurosaki changed his clothes while he was passed out? And why...

Yuya almost choked.

Oh god.

Kurosaki wasn't....

Was he?

Yuya mmphed through his gag, trying to talk.

_Kurosaki, please, please, this is—this is wrong, please, let me go, I'm not—I'm not Yuto, you can't pretend like I'm—_

Kurosaki just squeezed his knee and moved his hand back to the wheel.

“Just hang in there, we're almost there, Yuto,” he whispered.

Yuya almost threw up into his gag.

Oh god, he had been right.

Kurosaki was....was trying to convince himself that Yuya was Yuto. Yuuri had been _right_ , Kurosaki really _was_ unstable and dangerous—

His—his phone. Where was his phone? Maybe Yuuri could track him with that—would they even know? Would they know that Kurosaki had taken him? He hadn't told anyone that he was going to Kurosaki's. Reiji would wonder where he had gone, but would they think that...would they think that he had been kidnapped? By Kurosaki of all people?? And where was he being taken?? Where were they going? If—if it was somewhere out of the way, would they even be able to find him?

The car bumped over the road and Yuya bounced in his seat, his stomach leaping with fright. He squirmed against his bonds again, trying to get free. The tape was almost too tight around his wrists and he whined with pain, his fingers tingling from a lack of blood flow.

The car turned, and the road turned to bouncy gravel underneath them, all street lights blotting out. All Yuya could see out the windows were rows of dark, shadowy trees, briefly illuminated by the car's headlights. Kurosaki turned the wheel and pulled the car off to the side, between the trees. It came to a shuddering stop, and Kurosaki turned it off. The lights went out and plunged Yuya into perfect darkness.

He heard the car door open, and Kurosaki's boots crunched against the gravel. The back door opened next, and Yuya could only see Kurosaki's smoky shadow as he reached over to unbuckle Yuya's seat belt. Yuya flinched back as Kurosaki slid his arms under Yuya.

“Sh,” Kurosaki said. “It's okay, Yuto, it's okay. I've got you.”

_No, no, no, let me go, please, Kurosaki, let me go—_

Yuya couldn't do much more than squirm as Kurosaki lifted him up into his arms bridal style. He pushed the door closed behind him with his hip, then hefted the squirming Yuya into his arms and crunched across the gravel. Yuya tried his best to struggle and kick, but whatever Kurosaki had drugged him with was still dragging on his muscles.

“Yuto, Yuto, please, stop squirming,” Kurosaki whispered, his voice sounding wrongly comforting for this situation. “It's okay, I promise.”

 _I'm not Yuto!!_ _I'm not!! And this isn't okay!_

Kurosaki stepped up onto some raised platform, and Yuya squinted to try and adjust to the dark. There was something large and solid looming over them....a house?

Kurosaki briefly laid Yuya down on a cool wooden floor, something like a deck? Yuya could only lay there, panicking in the cold as he heard keys jingle. Where was he? Where had Kurosaki taken him...h-how was he going to get back?

Part of him still couldn't believe that this was happening. This was a dream, right? Kurosaki hadn't actually kidnapped him. Kurosaki wouldn't...he would never...he could trust him, right?

He heard a door squeak open, and then Kurosaki was back, pulling Yuya into his arms and bringing him into the house. He bumped the light switch with his shoulder while he passed, the light briefly blinding Yuya.

It was...it was some kind of cabin. It looked a little unused, dust coating the coffee table and the top of the television, the floor a bit cracked and the ceiling warped in a few places. Kurosaki carried Yuya across the large main room, and sat him carefully down on the couch. He smiled at Yuya, looking happier than Yuya could remember seeing him in an entire year. He cupped Yuya's cheek briefly, his eyes softening.

“I missed you so much,” he mumbled. “I can't believe it took me this long to realize...”

 _Realize what?_ Yuya thought, his shoulders trembling.

He smiled, and then he released Yuya, getting up and walking back outside. Yuya was left where he was, bound and gagged on the couch, panicking with every passing second. Kurosaki had taken him out to an abandoned cabin in the woods—why? What was he going to do to Yuya...?

Yuya tried to blink back the tears as they blurred his eyes.

He was...

He was so scared. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't stop trembling.

_Someone, please, someone please find me, quickly, please—_

The door opened again, and Kurosaki reappeared with what appeared to be bags of groceries under his arms. He walked into the kitchen with them, and Yuya craned his neck back over the couch to see what he was doing. Kurosaki dropped the bags on the counter and turned the lights on. He was actually humming, Yuya realized, the way he used to before Yuto had died. He walked over to the stove and bent over it for a moment. Yuya heard the soft click, click of what must be a lighter, and then the hiss of a gas oven coming on.

“Do you remember the first time we came here, Yuto?” Kurosaki called over his shoulder. “It was only our third date, but we had already been on so many sleepovers before that it didn't seem weird at all.”

Yuya twisted his wrists against the tape, but it was no good; Shun had wrapped a lot of layers and he couldn't get free.

“You burned your tongue on the hot chocolate and you couldn't talk right all night,” Kurosaki said, actually laughing. He sounded more cheerful than Yuya could ever remember hearing him, but the context made his stomach twist and tears bubble in his eyes. He wasn't Yuto—Kurosaki had to know that, right? He was—he was just a little weird right now...

Right, because drugging and kidnapping your friend was definitely just “being a little weird.”

“I think I brought enough to hold us over for a few days,” Kurosaki continued. “I'm going to make some miso—that kind you like, I can't ever remember what the brand is called.”

 _Miyasaka_ , Yuya thought automatically. _Yuto liked that kind the best._

It wasn't very long before he could smell it starting to cook, the scent wafting through the house. Yuya almost cried at how nostalgic it was; Yuto had been the only one that had actually liked that instant miso stuff. No one else had made it after Yuto died...

Kurosaki left the pot on the stove, disappearing into the hallway near the kitchen. After a few beats, he came back, returning to the couch and sitting down next to Yuya. Yuya flinched, but Kurosaki put a gentle hand on his shoulder, turning him slightly to the side so that Yuya was facing away from Kurosaki.

Yuya felt a brush in the back of his hair and he froze. What was...what was Kurosaki doing? Why was he brushing Yuya's hair?

Kurosaki pulled and fluffed the hair a bit over his head, making it feel a little off from Yuya's normal part. He turned Yuya back towards him again, and started to brush his bangs forward. Yuya thought about the clothes he was wearing, and with a sinking feeling in his stomach, he realized Kurosaki was styling his hair to look like Yuto's. Yuya recognized the awkward emo swoop that almost covered one of his eyes—just like Yuto used to wear his hair.

Kurosaki smiled as he leaned back, inspected his work. He reached over to the coffee table, setting the brush down and picking up a little handheld mirror to hold it up to Yuya's face.

Yuya almost choked. For a second, he thought Yuto was looking directly at him—for a second, he couldn't blame Kurosaki for pretending that Yuya was Yuto.

“There,” Kurosaki said, sounding pleased. “You're looking more like yourself, Yuto.”

Yuya's stomach twisted tighter every time Kurosaki used Yuto's name for him. Kurosaki couldn't really be this far gone, could he?? Did he really think that Yuya was Yuto? If that was true, why was Yuya tied up? Kurosaki must know, at some level, that Yuya didn't want this...that Yuya would try to get away if he was freed. How deeply did Kurosaki's delusion go?

Kurosaki smiled at Yuya again, his hand briefly caressing over Yuya's cheek. Then he sniffed the air and swore, jumping up from the couch and running back to the kitchen. A very faint burning smell had joined the otherwise sickeningly nostalgic miso scent, and Shun hurriedly pulled the soup off of the stove. Yuya could only sit there, trembling as he listened to Kurosaki fumbling around the kitchen, the clink of dishes and tableware filling the silence.

Then Kurosaki was back, with a tray of two bowls of miso and what appeared to be a large dish of agedashi tofu.

“You haven't had dinner yet, right? I'm sure you're hungry.”

Yuya swallowed around his gag, and Kurosaki seemed to remember that it was there.

“Oh, right. Hang on.”

He fumbled in his jacket pocket for a moment, pulling out a small switch blade. Yuya whined as the knife came close to him, but Shun only used it to carefully slice the tape that held Yuya's gag in. Yuya yelped as Kurosaki carefully pulled the tape off and it pulled at Yuya's skin, but then finally it was off, and Kurosaki was tugging the sock free from his mouth. Yuya took a second to breathe, gulping down desperate gasps of fresh, clear air—his mouth felt thick and dry and disgusting.

“That's better, right, Yuto?” Kurosaki said. “Now here, let's have some of this—”

“I'm not Yuto,” Yuya croaked, the only thing that he could manage to drag out of his cluttered head. “I-I'm not Yuto, Kurosaki, please, you have to understand—”

His words froze in his throat as he saw Kurosaki's body tense, saw the way that his hand that still held the switchblade tightened around the hilt until his knuckles turned white, hand slightly shaking. Yuya couldn't breathe—was Kurosaki going to hurt him?? What...what had he said wrong—

“Since when have you ever called me, 'Kurosaki,' Yuto...?” Kurosaki mumbled, his eyes suddenly looking dark, hooded, as though the bags under his eyes had suddenly reappeared.

Yuya almost choked on his own saliva.

This—this was worse than he thought, and he was so helpless, if Kurosaki decided to hurt him there was nothing he could do—

Yuya swallowed a nervous gasp.

“S—...Shun,” he mumbled, feeling awkward. “I-I'm sorry, S-Shun.”

Immediately, the atmosphere lightened, and Yuya felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest. Kurosaki's body relaxed, and the knife disappeared back into his jacket.

“It's all right, Yuto,” he said, his voice calm and cheerful again. “You're hungry, right? Have some of this soup, I don't think I burned it too badly.”

Yuya flushed with embarrassment as Shun lifted the bowl up and fished out a piece of tofu with the chopsticks, holding it out to Yuya's lips. No hope on getting his hands untied, then...

He...he could only play along right now. While he was tied up like this...he was helpless. He had to wait it out. Kurosaki wouldn't hurt him as long as he played along, and hopefully...hopefully by morning his family and friends would have come looking for him...

Yuya obediently opened his mouth and let Kurosaki feed him. Kurosaki continued to chatter as both of them ate, taking bites himself in between feeding Yuya. After a while, his voice almost became background noise, and Yuya thought he might be disassociating.

He was so scared....

Finally, the food was gone, and Kurosaki started to clean up.

“You've been really quiet, Yuto,” Kurosaki said, and Yuya jumped—oh, god, was Kurosaki going to be mad at him for that? “It's all right. I'm sure you're exhausted, right? It's been a long day.”

He put all their dishes on the tray and took it back to the kitchen, then returned without putting them away.

Yuya tried not to flinch as Kurosaki hefted him into his arms again, carrying him down the hall through the kitchen. It was dark back here, but Yuya could see that there were three doors, two on the left and one on the right. The last one on the right was already open, and Kurosaki carried Yuya inside.

It was small, just big enough for a thin camp bed and a small dresser. Kurosaki proceeded to lay Yuya down on the bed.

He lingered for a moment, his hands drawing through Yuya's hair, and Yuya couldn't help but tremble. What...what was Kurosaki going to do now?

But Kurosaki only smiled at him in the dark.

“I'm so glad you're back,” he mumbled. “I know you're a little confused, but it's okay, I'm going to take care of you, okay? I'm going to protect you this time. I'll start helping you understand in the morning. But you just sleep it off now, okay?”

Yuya didn't trust himself to say anything, so he just let his eyes fall down to the pillow. He didn't know how Yuto would respond to that—he didn't want to imagine how Yuto might respond to his boyfriend _kidnapping_ him.

Kurosaki leaned down and kissed Yuya briefly on the forehead. Yuya tried not to flinch.

“I love you, Yuto,” he whispered. “I'm just down the hall, call me if you need me.”

Yuya couldn't deny the relief that washed over him as Kurosaki left—he had been afraid that Kurosaki might try to...sleep next to him. But Kurosaki just closed the door behind him, and Yuya heard the bolt slide shut. He clenched his jaw.

Okay...okay maybe he could use this time now to try and get free...

 


	6. Night One - Back Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was supposed to be where things got real but I forgot I needed to do some set up back at home so enjoy this brief respite before the, ah, interesting parts next chapter.

Yuuri startled awake at the sound of his phone screaming as though it were being stabbed by a serial killer. He groaned, peeling his face off of the couch and fumbling for it. It kept screaming as he finally realized that it was on the floor, squinting as he tried to read the name on the caller id through the blurry haze of sleep.

 _Why the fuck is Reiji calling me?_ he thought. _And when the fuck did I fall asleep?_

He flipped the phone open and shoved it against his ear, other hand kneading into one eye as he slowly sat up.

“What the fuck do you want,” he mumbled.

“Hello to you too,” Reiji said—but there was something in his voice other than his usual snark. Something...something tense. “I was wondering if Yuya was on his way yet. He's usually late, but it's been almost twenty minutes...he's usually not _this_ late. We're going to miss the train at this point.”

Yuuri's lips parted slowly.

“...you mean he's not there yet?”

“Did he already leave?”

Yuuri briefly pulled the phone from his ear to check the time on the screen. Eight thirty. Hadn't Yuya left....like, at seven thirty? No way it had been an hour already.

“He's not answering his cell,” Reiji said, his voice sounding more tense by the second. “Yuuri, where is he?”

 _Fuck if I know_ , Yuuri thought, but his heart was suddenly rattling in his head and setting his brain abuzz and for a moment all he could see was Yuto laying in a casket and he couldn't breathe for a second. It took him a moment to swallow thickly.

“Yuya left early,” he said. “If he's not there yet—I'm going to call him. Hang on.”

“I'll wait at the station in case he shows up,” Reiji said.

Yuuri could almost taste the worry on Reiji's voice and tried to pretend that he wasn't feeling it too. He hung up without a goodbye and immediately hit the speed dial for Yuya's number.

His heart only grew louder in his ears as the ringing dragged on and on and on, and then the voicemail picked up.

“ _Looks like I just missed you! If you were calling for Yuya, leave a message after the beep and I'll get back to you right after this musical intermission!”_

Yuuri snorted at Yuya's ridiculously cheerful voice, and the sudden faint blast of phantom of the opera music floated through the speaker as though Yuya had just put the speaker up to his headphones. Yuuri waited for the “musical intermission” to finish and then the beep finally came for him to leave a message.

“I swear to God, Yuya, you'd better have a good reason for missing this call. I'm tracking your number as we speak.”

He hung up and stormed up to his room. He hit the mouse to wake it up, pulling up the program he used to keep an eye on everyone. Dennis had called it “the stalker program” and constantly teased him for surveilling his own family.

Dennis didn't understand the pain of coming home to one less brother, though.

As the program loaded, pulling together the city map and starting to hone in on the signals that he was monitoring, he drummed his fingers on the table. He thought about the last thing he had said to Yuya before he had left. _This conversation isn't over_. The shouting at him to stay away from Kurosaki without getting a chance to explain why.

What had been the last thing he had said to Yuto?

No. He didn't want to think about that right now.

He also didn't want to think about his hunch about where Yuya had ended up....and where he might be stuck.

Yuuri swallowed as he filtered in on Yuya's phone number and....

A shake came to his hands in spite of himself. God, no. This was a dream, right? Please be a dream. He couldn't have possibly just gone there right after Yuuri had told him—

It was fine. It was probably fine. Kurosaki was probably just panicking after he had gone after Ruri and Yuya had gotten stuck comforting him, like usual. Kurosaki wouldn't—actually hurt Yuya, would he...?

Yuuri didn't let his brain go down the roads that it wanted. He grabbed his phone and texted Reiji—it was faster.

_Yuya's phone tracked to Kurosaki's please go get him he's not safe_

After a half second, Reiji responded with a: _omw_.

For a moment, all Yuuri could do was lean back in his chair, staring at the little blipping light that meant Yuya was at Kurosaki's—or at least....his phone was.

He tried not to think about the other possibilities.

* * *

Reiji wasn't sure he could trust himself to knock and just wait, but he did.

The door to the Kurosaki house had never looked so ominous. Reiji shifted from foot to foot as he waited, gnawing on his lip. He tried to keep the irritation out of his stomach, but it was a little bit better than the worry. On one hand, he didn't deny that Kurosaki needed the help, and he didn't begrudge Yuya trying to help his brother's boyfriend. He wasn't jealous, although it did bother him a little bit the way that Kurosaki sometimes looked at Yuya...made Reiji's skin crawl.

On the other hand, Yuuri's last text had sounded uncharacteristically nervous and it was making Reiji nervous too.

He heard the faint roar of a motorcycle, and glanced over his shoulder just in time to see Yugo's bike screeching to a stop in front of Kurosaki's house. He yanked his helmet off as his passenger, Yuuri, slithered to the ground and actually ran up the sidewalk to Reiji.

“Open the door,” Yuuri said.

“I just knocked—”

“Kurosaki attacked his sister yesterday, open that damn door.”

Reiji felt his mouth dropping open—Kurosaki?? He had attacked _Ruri_?

Yuuri was already forcing his way around Reiji and pulling the storm door open to get to the other door. He looked like he was about to ram his shoulder into it, but then the knob turned under his hand and he almost fell through.

The first thing Reiji thought was— _it's so cold in here_. The billowing of air out through the door almost felt colder than the autumn outside. His second thought was that it was remarkably dark.

“Yuya?” Yuuri shouted. “Yuya, are you here?”

Yuuri jumped into the house without even bothering to take off his shoes, and Reiji followed, hearing Yugo jog up the sidewalk after them. Reiji could actually see his breath against the shadows in here, as though the heat hadn't been on all day. His foot crunched on something in the front hall, and he paused, glancing down. There appeared to be....what?

Reiji knelt down to pick up one of the pieces, examining it. It was ceramic—this was part of a mug. A mug had fallen and shattered in the doorway. Yugo was suddenly leaning over him, almost blocking out the light from outside.

“What's that?” he said.

Reiji licked his lips, which suddenly felt dry. Why were there the remains of what appeared to be two broken mugs in the front hall? Whatever had been inside them had dried, but there was a dark stain against the floor, and Reiji touched it experimentally. It wasn't at all sticky, but when he sniffed at it, it smelled like...herbal tea? Someone had dropped a mug and left it here. Was it from when Kurosaki had apparently attacked Ruri? But why right in the front door?

He heard Yuuri swear from down the hall, and he rose quickly. Yugo was right on his heels as he followed the sound down the dark hallway, towards Kurosaki's room.

Yuuri was standing inside, in front of the bed, eyes fixed on a small lump left at the foot. Cautiously, as though he couldn't believe what he was actually seeing, he bent down and picked up one part from the lump...from his hands dangled...

“That's—that's Yuya's shirt,” Reiji said, feeling a coldness slip into his stomach.

Yuuri didn't answer, pawing at the rest of the pile. Yuya's coat, shirt, and shoes were left in a heap, and then Yuuri separated what appeared to be his pants out of the pile and fumbled at the pocket, pulling out Yuya's cell phone.

His eyes glinted in the dark, blank and unreadable, his face like a stone as he found Reiji's eyes.

“Call the police,” was all he could say.  "Now."

 


	7. Day Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> // warnings: electrocution, torture

Yuya startled awake to a hand on his shoulder, his mouth feeling thick and dry. For a brief, panicky second, he forgot where he was. His wrists and feet ached as he tried to move them and then he remembered exactly where he was and the panic didn't stop growing.

Kurosaki smiled at him.

“Good morning,” he said softly. “Did you sleep well?”

Yuya hadn't meant to sleep at all—he remembered trying desperately to rub his taped hands against the metal headboard to try and get his hands free to no avail. Sometime during the night his exhaustion must have taken over and he must have passed out. Kurosaki shifted Yuya up so that he was leaning against the head of the bed, and Yuya's limbs protested. His hands were falling asleep and he didn't want to think about what kind of damage was being done to his circulation. Yuya swallowed, trying to get his voice back.

“Ku—Shun,” he mumbled, almost forgetting not to call him Kurosaki.

Kurosaki's smile widened and some kind of relief seemed to spread over his eyes at sound of his own name. He patted Yuya's head.

“You hungry? I made breakfast.”

Yuya swallowed.

“S-Shun,” he mumbled. “My...my hands are...”

Kurosaki's lips parted briefly, looking confused.

“Oh,” he said. “That's getting uncomfortable, huh?”

Yuya could only nod. If Kurosaki really believed that Yuya was Yuto, surely he'd see the disconnect in keeping Yuya bound, right? If Yuya's hands and feet were free, he could start thinking about escape.

Kurosaki smiled apologetically.

“I'm sorry, Yuto, but I have to keep you like this until I'm positive I have _you_ back,” he said. “I promise I'll find something more comfortable, though. Come on, let's get breakfast done first.”

Yuya's heart sank. Kurosaki's delusion wasn't quite as straightforward as he had thought....but what did Kurosaki mean, “until I'm positive I have _you_ back?”

Kurosaki lifted Yuya up into his arms bridal style again and carried him down the hall. The faint light of early morning filtered through the window with the sound of birds in accompaniment. If Yuya didn't have his hands tied behind his back he'd almost think it was peaceful here. But on the other hand, the morning rays dispelled any hope he had had of this being a dream...in the dark, he could pretend like he was imagining things, but once the day came along, he couldn't deny it anymore.

Kurosaki put him back on the couch, leaning him right in the corner near the arm of the chair so that he wouldn't fall over. Then he walked back over to the kitchen, and returned with a pan of eggs.

Yuya blushed with embarrassment again as, once more, Kurosaki stabbed a bite and held it out in front of his lips to hand-feed him like a child. It was for the best if he kept quiet and obeyed, though, so Yuya ate what he was given without a word. Once breakfast was taken care of, Kurosaki cleared the dishes away and took them back into the kitchen.

“I have something to show you,” he said. “I brought it back with me from home...you'll be so surprised, it's been a while since we looked at it...”

Yuya bit his lip, waiting nervously for this 'surprise thing.' Kurosaki returned after a beat, a smile on his face and what appeared to be a thick, leather-bound album. He sat down right next to Yuya so that their legs were touching, smiling as he opened up the album. Yuya felt tears bubbling up to his eyes when he saw the first photo.

It was Yuto—and Kurosaki, too, the pair of them apparently crammed inside of a photo booth, the strip of all four photos pasted carefully in the center of the page. They were making silly faces—or rather, Yuto was making the silly faces and Kurosaki just had this shocked look on his face as Yuto apparently yanked him downwards towards him so that their faces were right next to each other. Yuya felt tears rising up and threatening to spill at the sight of Yuto's dazzling smile. He blinked quickly, trying to hide the tears.

“Remember this?” Kurosaki said, running one finger over the photos. “I didn't want to do it, but you played me at rock-paper-scissors for it and I lost.”

Of course Yuya didn't remember this, he hadn't been there. Should he pretend? Should he try and pretend that he remembered, or...?

He swallowed thickly, trying not to sob himself. He looked back up at Kurosaki and found that Kurosaki was already staring at him. For a moment, Yuya couldn't speak.

“I'm not Yuto,” he whispered, almost automatically. “Please, Ku—Shun. Shun, you have to understand. I'm not Yuto. I miss him too, but I'm _not Yuto_.”

Kurosaki's smile slowly, slowly faded from his face. For a moment, he just stared at Yuya, almost vaguely, as though he weren't quite seeing him, as though he wasn't quite there at all. Something mumbled through his lips but Yuya didn't catch it right away.

“What...?” he prompted.

Kurosaki swallowed.

“Everyone else gave up on me,” he said, a little louder so that Yuya could hear it this time. “Everyone just....left me. Even Ruri gave up on me. Even Ruri wanted to leave.”

“S-Shun...”

Kurosaki's hands were trembling on the album.

“But not you. You kept coming, every time I called. Why...? You didn't have a reason to help me. But you came, every single time.”

“We're friends, Shun,” Yuya said, feeling hopeful. “That's what friends do.”

“All my other friends left,” Kurosaki said, his voice getting suddenly, rough, harsh. “But you never did...why...?”

“Because we're—”

“Because you have Yuto in you, don't you....”

Yuya's words froze in his throat. Kurosaki kept talking but Yuya was choking, choking on the words and the hope that he thought he had been allowed to have for a moment.

“I can see him, sometimes,” Kurosaki said, his breath suddenly heavy and labored. “Just behind your eyes—like he's looking out at me from somewhere inside of you. Everyone else left, but you stayed—because Yuto is still in there. He's—he's trying to reach me.”

“Shun,” Yuya mumbled. “Shun, that's not—”

“I just have to bring him back out,” Kurosaki said, completely ignoring Yuya. “I have to remind him—I have to bring you back out of Yuya, Yuto. I have to pull you out. Y-You've been trying to reach me. Yuya wouldn't touch me like that—it must be Yuto. Yuto is in there, I just have to remind him—”

“Shun—”

Shun turned the page of the photo album.

“Yuto, look,” he said, sounding desperate, shoving the pictures towards him. “Remember this? This was the day that we went to the beach the first time. Do you remember what you did with those starfish?”

“I don't know, I'm not Yuto, I wasn't there—”

And then all at once pain _rippled_ over Yuya and he felt a scream rip out of his throat. His whole body convulsed in on itself as the shock rolled over him.

By the time the pain faded he was lolling over the arm of the couch, tears running down his cheeks as he gasped for breath. What—what had that—

Kurosaki's hand trembled slightly, his knuckles white around the small black box in his hand.

Yuya felt like he was going to throw up—oh _god,_ that was....that was a stun gun. Kurosaki had just electrocuted him.

Kurosaki's shoulder heaved with his breaths, his face pale and sallow.

“Shun,” Yuya mumbled, tears leaking out of his eyes. “S-Shun...w-why...”

“I just have to help you remember,” Shun mumbled. “I have to help you come out...you've been trying so hard to reach me and I'm going to help you...I'm going to help you...this is going to help you.”

He pulled Yuya back up by the shoulder and bent him over the photo album. Yuya's tears dribbled on top of the plastic, blurring some of Yuto's happy face.

“Remember this?” Kurosaki whispered. “We were on the beach. And you found a starfish. Remember?”

Yuya tried—he tried to think about what Yuto _would_ have done, tried to come up with an answer.

Apparently, he wasn't quick enough, because the stun gun pressed to his side under shirt again and he screamed, flailing against Kurosaki.

“You started throwing them at me, remember?” Kurosaki said. “You remember, right? This is going to help you remember. We have to practice.”

“Y-yes, I remember, I remember, I remember,” Yuya babbled.

Kurosaki smiled, as though pleased. He flipped the page, to another set of pictures.

“Now, what about this? Remember this? We went to the carnival that day.”

Even in the haze of pain and panic, Yuya _did_ remember this one—because Yuya had gone along. He remembered it had been a double date with Kurosaki and Yuto on one side and him and Yuzu on the other, back when he and Yuzu had just decided to date because everyone thought they were together anyway—at least until they both laughed and realized it wasn't going to work and broke it off.

“We went to—”

“The Ferris Wheel first,” Yuya said quickly, anything to keep Kurosaki from shocking him again. “W-We went on the Ferris Wheel first. Y-you complained that you didn't trust it for being squeaky and Yu—I teased you because I thought you liked heights.”

Kurosaki's eyes brightened.

“You remember that?” he said. “You're really here, aren't you?”

“Y-yes,” Yuya mumbled, still twitching with pain. “I remember, I'm starting to remember, Shun.”

Kurosaki's smile was dazzling and Yuya felt like he could breathe.

“Do you remember what happened when we got to the top?” he breathed. “Do you remember what we talked about?”

The panic pounded in Yuya's ears again—he didn't. He didn't know this, he and Yuzu had been in a different car from Yuto and Kurosaki.

“I...we talked about...”

“Remember what you did?” Kurosaki said. “It was the first time—”

“W-we kissed, right?” Yuya mumbled, just guessing. “That was when we kissed the first time.”

Kurosaki's lips parted a bit.

And then the shock rolled over Yuya again and he screamed, he thought he might be begging, begging for it to stop, but he couldn't even hear his own words.

“You're close, you're close,” Kurosaki soothed, stroking Yuya's hair as he came out of the the last roll of pain. “It's okay. You're learning again...take it slow. Don't worry.”

Yuya could only cry, sobbing over the arm of the chair.

How much more of this could he take...? If this kept up, he really _would_ turn into Yuto, if only to try and make Kurosaki stop hurting him.

_Reiji...Yuuri...Yugo...mom...dad....please...someone find me..._

* * *

Mom was screaming in the next room over. Yuuri could hear the police officer trying to mumble something soothing to her, but she wasn't having any of it, and Yuuri didn't blame her.

Yugo had already left, storming over to Rin's place after breaking a chair. Ruri had been called, and Yuuri could hear her sobbing on the couch in the living room, Selena mumbling to her, probably rubbing her back soothingly.

Yuuri's fingers shook on his phone. Reiji sat across the table from him, staring at nothing. His face hadn't changed, and Yuuri wondered if he was as frozen up inside as Yuuri was.

 _Two brothers_ , Yuuri thought numbly. _I'm going to lose two brothers._

He didn't have a doubt that Yuya was probably already dead. Kurosaki had almost hurt Ruri, his beloved sister—what would he do to Yuya? His car was gone, had probably been gone for hours. For all Yuuri knew, Yuya was naked and dead in a ditch somewhere.

He tapped at his phone again, fingers hovering over a message that he didn't know if he was going to be able to send. His eyes flickered briefly over the text message string from a day ago, when he and Dennis had gotten into another fight since Yuuri had stormed away from their game without a word.

He tried not to look at the message he was trying not to send.

_pls come_

_yuya missing_

_i need u_

He closed the phone without hitting send. He could still hear the crying and shouting in the other room. Maybe he should go in there. But what could he add? Ruri was the only one that knew anything about Kurosaki, or about where he might have gone. Yuuri was useless. He might as well stay out of the way.

“This is my fault,” Ruri's voice cried, echoing down the hall. “This is all my fault, if I hadn't set him off, if I hadn't said anything—”

“Sh, babe, sh, no, it's not your fault, please,” Selena's soothing voice said over and over.

“Why are you all just standing here asking me fucking questions instead of looking for my son??” Yoko screamed.

“Sakaki-san, ma'am, please, we are going to do everything we can to find your son, but there's not much we can do right away. Kurosaki-san, can you please give us your brother's car's license plate number?”

Yuuri pressed his forehead into the table, looking down at his phone again underneath it. His hands shook. Their father was on his way. He worked the next town over and wasn't supposed to be home until the weekend, but as soon as he had gotten the call, Yusho had sounded like he was about to panic too.

Yuuri's jaw clenched. He opened his phone and clicked send on the drafted message, and closed it again.

A soft tap brought his attention to the doorway, but he only rolled his head over to look. One of the police officers stood at the door, looking concerned. She was smaller than the other guy, her hair pulled up under her hat and her glasses sliding down her nose. She looked more like a secretarial assistant than a police officer, if he was going to be honest. Her badge said _H. Reiser,_ he noted with a brief glance.

“Sakaki-san?” she said in slightly accented Japanese. “You're Sakaki Yuuri, correct?”

“What do you want?” Yuuri said.

“I wondered if there was anything you could add to what we've already gathered. Do you have any idea why Kurosaki Shun might have taken your brother?”

Yuuri let out a hollow laugh.

“Because we're fucking quadruplets, and Yuya looks like his dead boyfriend,” Yuuri said. “You might as well not even bother looking, he's probably dead in a ditch somewhere already—just like fucking Yuto.”

Reiji's hand slammed against the table.

“He's not—dead,” Reiji hissed through his teeth. “He's not dead.”

“Excuse me if I don't have many hopes left,” Yuuri said. “Excuse me if losing one fucking brother wasn't bad enough!”

Reiji actually stood up so fast that he knocked his chair over, hands slamming onto the table.

“Kurosaki won't kill him!” he practically bellowed. “Don't you fucking get it, Yuuri? He thinks Yuya is Yuto. He'll want to keep him alive!”

“And when Yuya can't keep up the illusion, what do you think Kurosaki'll do next?” Yuuri shouted, standing up too. “Say 'haha my bad' and just let Yuya go? Why do you think he ran? What about Yuya's fucking clothes, Reiji? You don't just strip someone naked and then kidnap them!”

But suddenly, something passed over Reiji's eyes, his lips parting.

“The clothes,” he mumbled. “The.... _Yuuri_.”

Reiji looked like he was about to fall over.

“He—those are Yuya's clothes,” Reiji said.

“Yeah, perfect, Sherlock,” Yuuri said sarcastically. “That's why we think he's dead, you fucking imbecile.”

“No, Yuuri, no,” Reiji said, leaning forward. “They're _Yuya's_ clothes. Not Yuto's.”

Yuuri froze. His lips parted slightly.

“...he...” he started. “...Kurosaki changed Yuya's clothes.”

“And took him somewhere else so that he could try and figure out how to get him to act like Yuto,” Reiji said. “Yuya's not naked in a ditch, Yuuri—he's in Yuto's clothes hidden somewhere where Kurosaki thinks he won't be found while he turns Yuya into Yuto.”

Yuuri's hands were trembling. A treacherous burst of hope fluttered in his chest. Yuya might still be alive. Yuya might _still be alive_.

Their shouting must have caught someone's attention because the other room had gone quiet, and Ruri was suddenly standing in the doorway next to Officer Reiser, her hand shaking against the door frame.

“Oh god,” she whispered, her eyes widening. “I think I know where they are.”

And as if in response to her proclamation, the sky outside cracked with thunder and the sky opened up to let the rain start pouring down.

 


	8. Night Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //warnings: knives/stabbing, choking, bondage, possessive behavior
> 
> This should have been a shorter chapter but i didn't wanna break it up :'D

The rain was so loud on the roof that it almost entirely blotted out the sound of the police officer down the hall talking on the phone to someone else at the station. Yuuri stared out the window. Where had all this rain come from? The world was pitch black out there, only the streetlights illuminating the edges of the rain as it coursed down the window panes.

The police officer got off the phone and walked back into the kitchen, talking briefly with the woman officer. She nodded, brow furrowing with concern, and walked into the next room to talk to Yoko. Yuuri's eyes flickered over towards the living room but he didn't move away from the kitchen window.

This storm was bad. It had rolled up almost out of nowhere...like a bad omen. His fists rolled up at his sides. They couldn't leave the house like this, even. He knew already what the officer was probably telling his mother.

 _It's too dangerous to check out that cabin right now. Flash flooding warnings...possibility of landslides up on the mountain...have to wait for it to pass_.

Yuuri swallowed thickly. Would it be too late by the time it passed?

After Ruri brought up the old cabin that their family used to rent, the one where Kurosaki and Yuto had gone on a date years ago, Selena had taken her upstairs to try and calm down because she had broken down again. Reiji was in the living room with Yuuri's mother, but Yuuri couldn't move from the window. Couldn't stop imagining what was happening out there in that mountain cabin, in a storm of this size.

Maybe it wouldn't be Kurosaki that killed Yuya after all.

His phone hung limply from his hands. A message from Yugo glowed on the screen, confirming that he was, in fact, at Rin's place, and he'd be staying there to wait out the storm. A phone call had confirmed, so Yuuri, at least, didn't have to worry about losing Yugo, too.

But it felt so cold, so empty in the kitchen, with just him. No Yuya with his books spread out and moaning over the homework he was supposed to be doing three days ago. No Yugo chomping on whatever he had found in the fridge—usually something Yuuri had been saving.

No Yuto pasting his history terms up on the fridge and moving them around with the magnets to try and study.

Yuuri hadn't cried at Yuto's funeral. He hadn't cried since, either. He wasn't sure he knew how to. Did he even have any tears in his body? He felt like he should be shedding them, if he did.

At first, he didn't hear it, drowned out over the sound of the storm—then he thought, was he imagining that? Was someone really knocking on the door? In this weather...?

Frowning, Yuuri turned from the window and walked around towards the front hall. There it was again, the pounding. Who the hell was out in this?? Yugo didn't try to drive home despite everything, did he? Or maybe it was their father; although he had called and said that the train was delayed due to the storm.

Yuuri edged the door open, peeking through.

“Dennis??” he said, pulling the door all the way open.

Dennis practically flopped inside, his usually curly hair plastered to his face and the back of his neck.

“I'm sorry,” he mumbled. “Didn't see your message til—Yuya's missing? What happened?”

Yuuri could only stare at him for a moment, the dripping wet boy standing on his doorstep with the storm raging outside behind him, his eyes huge and worried—despite the fighting, all the screaming they had been doing with each other lately, all the on-again, off-again friendship and the not talking and the grudgingly talking again, Dennis was here, on his doorstep, in the middle of what sounded like a hurricane.

Yuuri actually felt the tears, then, and he just, flopped. He just let his head fall on Dennis' chest and his hands curl into his soaking wet shirt.

“Don't move,” he mumbled, feeling his tears start to mix with the rainwater that soaked Dennis completely through. “Just...don't disappear.”

* * *

Yuya trembled on the couch, his tears staining into the cushion underneath him. His second “training session,” after getting a break for lunch, had ended a few hours ago, and he was left sprawled across the couch while Kurosaki went about the process of cleaning up from dinner. He hummed a bit, letting Yuya know that he was in a good mood. He seemed very pleased with Yuya's progress on remembering how to be Yuto. Yuya felt more tears bubble up in his eyes, his body shaking with the ghost pains from the stun gun. He could still see the dangerous little box lying on the end table near the television, on top of the photo album. Yuya felt like throwing up just looking at that album, and he wondered if—provided he managed to escape—he'd be able to look at a photo album again without wanting to die.

He just...he couldn't remember enough to keep Kurosaki happy. He couldn't guess or make up enough. He was trying—so hard. Trying to think of what Yuto might say or do in every situation, but he couldn't remember. Facts and events that he hadn't actually lived clattered around in his head, things that Kurosaki had drilled into him with a shock every time he failed to get it right. If this kept up for too long...Yuya might actually start believing that he really knew the things that Kurosaki wanted him to know. Already, some of the ideas felt burned into his skull with an electric brand. He knew more about Kurosaki and Yuto's relationship than he ever thought he would.

Overhead, thunder rumbled ominously, and he heard the roof creak. He shuddered. That sounded like a pretty bad storm....was this cabin even going to hold?

Kurosaki returned to the couch, and lifted Yuya carefully back up so that he could lean him against him, wrapping an arm over his shoulders. He sighed deeply, resting his head on top of Yuya's.

“You're doing really well, Yuto,” he said. “You're working really hard for me...thank you.”

Yuya swallowed and tried not to let out the whine that coiled in the bottom of his throat. Thunder cracked so loudly that the whole house shook, and a yelp leaped out of his throat, heart jumping.

Kurosaki's arms tightened around Yuya, holding him close and comforting. He stroked Yuya's hair.

“That's right, you never liked thunder storms,” he murmured. “It's all right. I'm right here. I'll protect you.”

Yuya trembled, more from the closeness to Kurosaki than anything else. If there was something he needed to be protect from, it wasn't the storm...it was Kurosaki. He flinched at even the barest touch, expecting a shock. If this went on much longer—Yuya didn't want to think about it, but he knew that if he stuck around, this “training” was going to continue. Kurosaki was _not safe_.

“Can I get you anything?” Kurosaki said softly, stroking his hair. “You thirsty? We can see if the television is working.”

The tiniest, most ridiculous idea occurred to Yuya.

If he was going to try to escape....

...this storm would be the best possible cover.

He swallowed thickly, and, despite the panic that went along with it, carefully nestled his head against Kurosaki's shoulder.

“C-could...could you take the tape off my hands?” he mumbled. “Please, Shun, I want to hold you again....I missed holding you...let me hold you again.”

It was a desperate, dangerous bluff—would Kurosaki see through it?

But when he dared to glance up, Kurosaki's entire face lit up with joy. He actually looked like he might cry.

“I missed you so much too,” he whispered, hugging him tightly. “Okay. Hang on.”

Yuya swallowed and tried to hold still as Kurosaki drew his switchblade again. He turned Yuya briefly around, and Yuya felt the knife slice through the tape. His ankles were still trapped, but with his hands free, that wouldn't be as much of an issue.

Kurosaki replaced the knife in his pocket, pulling Yuya gently towards him again. It took a second for the feeling to really start to come back into Yuya's hands, but when he felt like he was able to move them, he carefully slid his arms around Kurosaki's chest, hugging him so that his head rested against Kurosaki's shoulder. He tried to remember in perfect detail that photo in the album that presumably Ruri had taken of Kurosaki and Yuto asleep on the couch, so that he could try to mimic the way that Yuto had laid on him.

It seemed to work, as he heard Kurosaki sigh deeply, as though with relief and contentment. He fumbled for a minute with the remote of the television, trying to turn it on. It only brought static with it, but he left it on anyway.

“I missed this,” he mumbled. “I missed you, Yuto.”

“I missed you too,” Yuya said, feeling sick. He tried to pretend that he was talking to Reiji—that would make it sound more authentic, right?

He swallowed thickly, as Kurosaki's fingers came briefly up under his chin. Yuya knew it was coming, but he wasn't really ready for it. It took him a brief moment of shock after Kurosaki's lips touched his to remember that he had to respond.

A deep sense of betrayal came over him as he kissed Kurosaki with as much passion as he could match.

 _Please forgive me, Reiji_ , he thought. He knew it was a stupid thought, that Reiji would never be mad at him for doing what he had to in order to survive, but he still felt guilty as the kiss just grew deeper and more violent and after a moment, Kurosaki was pinning Yuya down completely against the couch as his lips moved to Yuya's jaw and then to his neck. Yuya moaned in spite of himself, trying to withhold the tears—the sound seemed to jolt Shun back to himself, and he rose up, heaving for breath, his hair dangling over Yuya's face.

His tears dribbled onto Yuya's cheek. He looked—he looked so sad, that for a second, Yuya wanted to hug him. For a second, he forgot all of the day's horrible events and all he wanted was to reach up and brush Kurosaki's tears away, to tell him that it was okay, everything was okay.

But he couldn't forget the twinges of electrical pain that still skittered over his skin, and the fear overtook the pity again.

Kurosaki caressed Yuya's cheek, still looming over him. Yuya tried to breathe.

_Reiji. Imagine he's Reiji....don't think about....don't think about this position too much..._

Kurosaki was so much stronger than him, he thought. If he decided he wanted to...wanted to do something to Yuya, then even with his hands unbound he wouldn't stand a chance.

“I love you,” Kurosaki whispered. “I love you so goddamn much...I'm so sorry, I couldn't protect you back then....I couldn't save you...”

Yuya swallowed. He reached up and put his hand on Kurosaki's face, gently, still trying to imagine Reiji's face instead so that maybe it would convince Kurosaki.

“It's okay,” he soothed. “It's all right...I'm not mad. You did everything you could.”

Kurosaki's hands curled into fists on either side of Yuya's face. Yuya tried not to think about how he was sprawled underneath Kurosaki on the couch, tried not to think about the fact that Kurosaki was straddling him in a very intimate way.

“I'm here now,” Yuya said quickly. “I'm right here, Shun. Everything's going to be okay.”

Kurosaki responded by leaning down and kissing him violently again, aggressive and searching, his tongue forcing its way into Yuya's mouth. Yuya struggled to respond with the same amount of passion, but Kurosaki was _dominating_ , overwhelming in a way that Reiji never was and in a way that Yuya didn't know how to respond to.

He was gasped for air when Kurosaki finally released him from the kiss, breathing hard. He sat up and pulled Yuya along with him, pressing Yuya against his chest in a tight, possessive hug.

“That's right,” he mumbled. “You're here now....you're back with me again. I—I won't let you go this time. I promise.”

Yuya could only gasp for breath, almost forgetting to hug Kurosaki back. He tried to snuggle into Kurosaki's grip.

“I love you, Yuto,” Kurosaki said, fiercely. “I love you so much.”

Yuya swallowed his guilt.

“I love you too, Shun,” he whispered.

* * *

It took absolutely everything that Yuya had not to fall asleep before Kurosaki did.

His entire body was absolutely _exhausted_ from the constant application of the stun gun, and it was so warm and cozy sitting here snuggled with Kurosaki that he almost forgot himself, almost let himself drift away.

The television, still on and static-y, sent an eerie white glow across the room, it's faint buzz disappearing into the sound of the rain over head. Despite how long it had taken for Kurosaki to fall asleep, the rain was still pouring, and thunder still grumbled over head. That was fine by Yuya. He needed all the help he could get.

Carefully, so as not to disturb him, Yuya edged himself out from under Kurosaki's arm.

Kurosaki's breath hitched in his sleep as Yuya tried to lay his arm back down, and Yuya froze.

But the moment passed, and Kurosaki simply turned his head over, fast asleep.

Yuya's heart thrummed in his ears. He slid carefully down to the edge of the couch—his ankles were still taped together. He needed something to help him get it off.

It took him a few moments of wriggling forward on his knees, but he managed to get to the kitchen. The dishes were sitting out to dry on the counter, and Yuya fumbled for the butter knife. It was just enough to help him slit the tape open, and he peeled it carefully from his ankles, trying not to make a sound.

Free, now, for the first time in almost two days, Yuya rose shakily to his feet. His feet protested, tingly from lack of circulation. But he couldn't hesitate. He made his way for the door.

Luckily, there was an extra pair of shoes there, shoes that fit his feet better than Kurosaki's boots would have. They were just a pair of black sneakers, but Yuya's stomach turned as he realized how similar they looked to the style Yuto used to wear. Yuya quickly slid into the shoes without untying the knots, then moved towards the door.

His eyes caught on the car keys as he reached for the handle, dangling on the hook by the door.

His gaze flickered back towards the couch—Kurosaki was still asleep.

Yuya had never learned out to drive; the bus took him everywhere he needed to go. And he definitely wasn't about to try and learn in this storm...but maybe he could...slow Kurosaki down a little....?

He grabbed the keys from their hook, careful to encase the dangly bits in his hands so that they wouldn't jingle. Then he slowly turned the door knob, and eased the door open.

Immediately, a rush of cold, harsh wind blasted him in the face. The roar of the rain and wind was almost deafening outside, and panic overtook him—would the sound wake Kurosaki?

He didn't bother to look back and check—he darted through the crack in the door and closed it as quickly and quietly as he was able to, struggling for a moment to push it closed against the wind.

It was pitch black out here save for the light from the cabin windows, and Yuya squinted against the rain that billowed into his eyes. Cold wind cut through his bare arms, freezing autumn rain cutting down through his bones.

For a moment, he almost gave up. The wind was so strong that it felt like it was going to pick him up and toss him off a cliff, and he couldn't even see the road up here—he didn't even have any idea how far away from home he was. With this kind of storm, he was likely to fall off a cliff in the dark and die, or at the very least, succumb to hypothermia. His soul faltered—at least, in the house, it was warm....

His skin flinched at the memory of the stun gun, at the horrible crawling feeling of Kurosaki's hungry, desperate eyes on him, and his heart resteeled itself.

Better to die out here than at the hands of someone he thought he had been able to trust.

Yuya jumped off the deck and leaned into the wind. He found the car, and pushed past it, feeling out the gravel with his sneakers to try and stay on track. The wind buffeted at his slender frame, catching at his clothes as the rain struggled to plaster them down. The keys were digging into his hand, freezing cold metal in the rain—part of him thought of keeping them, to use as a weapon, but the other part of him feared that the metal would leave freeze burns on his hands in this weather. He flung them off into the dark woods to his right instead—at the very least, this storm would wash away his trail, and Kurosaki wouldn't have the car to go looking for him.

Rain howled down against him, feeling like icy pellets that battered his skin as he kept stumbling forward. He couldn't even see, for the rain in his eyes, the wind that screamed against his eyelashes, the water that plastered his bangs over his forehead and in front of his vision. He held his arms out in front of him in a desperate attempt to keep off the wind, teeth already chattering.

God, at this rate, he really was going to die of pneumonia, or hypothermia, or something. How far had he walked? He must have been walking for twenty minutes, at least, right?

He glanced over his shoulder, and his heart sank to realize that he could still see the faint glow of the cabin's windows in the distance. Swallowing thickly, he turned back into the rain and started to walk faster.

The gravel blew against his legs and tore rips into his pants. He gasped as one of them nicked into his skin, the pain instantly dulled by a deluge of cold water that poured across it.

His feet, all of a sudden, hit mud, and he felt his shoes seep into the deep, wet sludge. He popped himself free with a cry of disgust, feeling the water seep down into his socks, and squish with every step. Wincing, he tried to keep going—but where had the gravel road gone? Had he lost it already?

It was _impossible_ to see. Was this—this was a tree, he realized, feeling in front of him and coming up with wet bark. Okay, maybe he should just—he should just hold on to this tree and wait for the storm to pass, or lighten a little bit, at least. He was going to actually die if he kept walking, falling off a cliff or tripping and cracking his head open.

His teeth chattered in his jaw, and he wasn't sure if he was crying, or if it was just the rain coursing down his face. His stomach twisted as he found himself wishing that he had just stayed in the cabin, played Yuto for Kurosaki until help arrived. Because it would come, right? They would find him...he should have...should have waited...

His eyes were actually starting to droop. Panicking, Yuya forced them back open, leaning heavily against the tree. He couldn't stop after all. He needed to keep walking, or he would fall asleep and then he would _definitely_ die.

Thunder exploded over head so loudly that Yuya thought his eardrums popped. A flash of lightening followed it seconds later as he leaned his back against the tree to try and get momentum again and—

Had that been something moving in the trees?

Yuya froze against the tree, his back pressed against the rough, uneven surface. He didn't notice how wet it was, he was soaked as it was—he felt like he was made of _wet_ by now.

Another flash of lightening—no, he hadn't imagined that, that was a long dark shadow moving towards him—

The third flash of lightening confirmed his terror.

Kurosaki was awake, and he was coming for him.

Yuya panicked. Forgetting the rain, the cold, the danger, he pushed off of the tree, turned the other direction, and bolted. Branches smacked him in the face, cutting through his skin—he tripped once and went down, a horrible gash opening in his leg as his knee skidded against a stone, but then he struggled back to his feet and kept running.

He had tried to escape Kurosaki—if what had happened before was him trying to help him, what would he do if he caught Yuya after trying to escape??

Stones scrabbled under his feet as he ran, his breath frozen in his chest, he felt like he was breathing _ice_ and the water was getting into his mouth and he was going to start inhaling rain water. Another branch hit him in the face and he flinched, stumbling, smacking his shoulder into a tree and spinning while his foot caught on the ground and slipped and he tumbled backwards—

Yuya let out a scream as he fell suddenly through open air—had he just gone off a cliff??? His arms wheeled and then—

He hit water, smacking against the surface of a river. He had thought he was cold before, but he had nothing on this—the ice immediately took his entire breath away as the collision with the surface of the water drove what he had left out of his lungs. He went under, the current dragging him as the water tumbled fiercely over head. Bubbles escaped his lips and then panic and adrenaline took over, letting his arms move despite the cold and the shock.

His head punched back above the water and he gasped for breath—he couldn't touch the bottom of the river with his feet and he was being dragged along so quickly that he couldn't fight it. He screamed as the current rammed him into a rock and he went spinning off of it and then down another roll of rapid water—he tried to breathe but the rain was sliding down his throat and it was all he could do just to keep his head above the water. He flailed and splashed, trying to scream but who would even hear him?? Even Kurosaki wouldn't catch up with him at this rate! He could see, he couldn't breathe, and he could feel his struggles weakening as the cold seeped through his bones and everything started to lock up—

He let out one last gasp, tears streaming down his face with the rain as he tried desperately to reach up towards the sky, knowing that he was about to die.

And then something snatched against his outstretched wrist, yanking him to a stop as the rest of his body tried to go with the current. Yuya tried to scream but there was nothing in him, no breath, no will, he could feel himself starting to black out. For a moment, the grip on his hand slipped against the water and the rain—and then he was being pulled back, a hand latching into his collar and yanking him free of the river's maw, dragging him up onto the muddy ground.

Yuya gasped for air, his face pressed into the cold mud—he didn't even feel cold anymore, he just felt numb, unable to move. He wanted—he wanted to fall asleep.

But he was jolted back to semi-alertness as he felt a hand curl around his throat and yank him up, slamming his back against a tree. Spots flared in front of his eyes as he tried to scream, but he couldn't for a lack of air. He couldn't even scrabble at the hand that held him, his arms wouldn't respond to him, his fingers were so numb that he felt like they didn't exist.

In the dark and the rain he couldn't see at first, until a bolt of lightening illuminated Kurosaki's wild, furious face, his mouth open and screaming things that Yuya couldn't hear over the rain and the thunder, as he shook Yuya by his throat and forced tears to roll out of Yuya's eyes.

Yuya tried to cry and scream but he couldn't even move as Kurosaki just sat there and screamed at him, his hands tight around Yuya's throat as Yuya felt the world almost starting to go black—

Kurosaki released his throat, then, and his arms came up under Yuya's and he heaved Yuya to his feet. Yuya knew he wouldn't be able to walk; he couldn't even feel his feet, and after a beat, Kurosaki bodily heaved Yuya over his shoulder.

Yuya tried to kick a little but he couldn't even move, he could only hang there and sob as Kurosaki dragged him back through the woods.

Everything was a blur of rain and darkness and the occasional bolt of lightening. He had no idea how long he had been out here, or how long it took for Kurosaki to drag him back, but the still rational part of his brain told him that he probably had hypothermia and he was probably going to die.

He felt so sleepy....he felt so tired....why had he tried to run away...

He heard Kurosaki's feet reach the deck and clomp across it and then suddenly light blossomed around them as the door was flung open and Yuya found himself being heaved to the ground, coughing and shivering in a puddle on the floor. Kurosaki slammed the door shut behind them while Yuya just trembled, trying to breathe—he felt so dizzy and lost and part of him couldn't quite remember what he was doing here.

Then Kurosaki flipped him viciously over and landed heavily on top of him, straddling him as one hand knotted into his hair and yanked it back so that Yuya was forced to look at him.

“What the fuck were you thinking?” he screamed into Yuya's face. “What the _fuck_ were you _thinking?_ ”

Yuya found himself sobbing again, it was all he could do to just lay there in a puddle of cold and pain as the tears rolled down his eyes and Kurosaki's wild, furious face loomed over him.

“I'm trying to protect you!” he screamed, yanking back on Yuya's hair for emphasis and making Yuya scream. “I can't protect you if you do shit like this! I almost fucking lost you again, you fucking piece of shit! What the fuck were you _thinking_?”

He released Yuya's hair and fumbled in his pocket. Yuya actually did scream as the knife came out of Kurosaki's soaked jacket and slammed into the ground right next to Yuya's head.

“What do I have to do?” Kurosaki screamed. “What do I have to do? Do I have to cut the tendons in your fucking ankles so that you won't do bullshit like this?? You told me you loved me, Yuto! You said you missed me! Why the fuck did you try to leave again??”

Yuya froze up at the threat and he felt himself choking.

“Please, please don't, please, Kurosaki, please please please, please don't hurt me, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry—”

Kurosaki let out a strangled, angry cry, and he ripped his knife up out of the ground. He staggered up and off of Yuya, his face pale and eyes wide and wild, like some animal, his soaked hair plastered to his face to make him look like a wildman.

And then without warning, he dropped back down to his knees and _plunged_ his knife into Yuya's calf.

Yuya thought the cold would have made it impossible to feel anything, but he was wrong. A scream ripped out of his throat, his arms flailing despite the numbness spreading through him as he instinctively tried to escape the pain that pulsed through him. Kurosaki twisted the knife and Yuya screamed again, tears bubbling over his cheeks in gushes of water and he thought he would drown.

“Kuro—Shun, Shun, please, please, I'm sorry, I won't do it again, I promise I won't do it again—ah, please, please, Shun—”

Kurosaki yanked the knife free of Yuya's leg and Yuya screamed again, babbling and sobbing so incoherently that even he wasn't sure what he was saying. The knife plunged into his other calf and another scream tore out of him as Kurosaki twisted and dragged the knife through his skin. He ripped it free from the second wound, hand still shaking as though he wanted to use it again, wanted to keep stabbing Yuya over and over again.

“Please,” Yuya begged. “Please, Shun, please don't hurt me, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please forgive me I won't try to run again please, please, please—”

Kurosaki leaned back on his heels, gasping for breath, the knife trembling in his hand. His eyes flickered down to the sobbing Yuya and his face changed. He dropped the knife and crawled over to Yuya, pulling his head up into his arms and cradling him like a child.

“Sh, sh, it's okay,” he mumbled. “I'm right here. I promised I would protect you...you have to stay where I can protect you....I don't want to hurt you, Yuto, I don't want to, but I have to keep you with me, I can't lose you again.”

Yuya couldn't even move despite the panic that fluttered through him at Kurosaki's touch. He could only lay there in his puddle, feeling as though he were slowing dying, his blood starting to leak into the water around him and stain the rain red.

“You're so cold,” Kurosaki mumbled, feeling his forehead. “I'll have to warm you up...and these have to come off...”

He shrugged his soaked jacket off and tossed it away, and then laid Yuya gently on the ground. Yuya almost screamed as Kurosaki's fingers fumbled with the buttons of his shirt. He couldn't do anything, though, as Kurosaki carefully undid the soaked shirt. He fumbled for a moment trying to get it off of Yuya's arms without moving him too much, and then shook his head, pulling the knife back out and slitting the fabric off of him, pulling the soaked shirt away. He pulled Yuya's shoes and socks off and tossed them behind him, smacking against the door. Yuya choked as Kurosaki's fingers moved to his pants, next, slicing and stripping them off of him so that he was naked down to his underwear.

He trembled, tears in the corners of his eyes—Kurosaki wouldn't—do anything—would he?

But he didn't make a move to take off Yuya's underwear, standing up and walking away down the hall. He returned in seconds, two large towels thrown over his shoulder. Carefully, he lifted Yuya up into his arms and moved him away from the puddle of water and instead to the carpet near the couch.

Yuya shivered, cold and numb and his leg throbbing with pain where Kurosaki had stabbed him. Kurosaki gently toweled him off, drying his hair and moving carefully over the stab wound.

“I'm sorry,” he said again, as he pulled a first aid kit out of the cupboard near the television. “I'm so sorry, Yuto, but I have to make sure you don't run. You can't run from me, or I could lose you again—I have to keep you where I can see you.”

“I-I understand, I understand,” Yuya mumbled, hoping that he could stop Kurosaki from stabbing him again. His legs ached with pain—he wasn't sure how bad it was, but he knew he'd definitely have trouble walking for a while until it healed. He hissed through his teeth as Kurosaki treated both stab wounds with antibiotics, and carefully wrapped them in bandages. His hand slid up to Yuya's chest, and up to his shoulders. Yuya shuddered under Kurosaki's gaze—he looked....he looked hurt. Disappointed. Yuya felt a twist in his stomach despite everything; Kurosaki looked so hurt, as though Yuya had just betrayed him.

“I can't lose you,” he whispered. “I can't lose you again.”

Yuya just nodded wildly.

“I know, I'm sorry, I won't try to leave again, I'll stay right here, I promise.”

Kurosaki shook his head.

“I-I'm sorry, Yuto, but I have to be sure, I have to be sure I can't lose you. I have to be sure I know where you are all the time.”

He lifted Yuya up under the arms, heaving him up. Yuya lay limply in Kurosaki's grip, cold and shivering and in pain as Kurosaki carried him down the hall, to the single door on the right. He fumbled to get it open while hanging on to Yuya. Yuya couldn't see, his head was facing the opposite direction of Kurosaki's, but then he heard and felt Kurosaki's shoes clunking down a set of stairs, and it was starting to get dark, and Yuya felt his heart climbing up into his throat.

They reached the bottom of the stairs, and Shun jiggled the light with his shoulder. It was... _warm_ down here, Yuya thought, and figured that the heating system must be down here. When Kurosaki set him down on the floor, he found that it was a finished wood, not at all like the creepy, crumbling basement he had been expecting.

It wasn't a very big cellar, just big enough to hold the furnace on one end and a few shelves full of camping supplies along the other ends. And, Yuya noticed with a sudden spike of fear, something that appeared to be a large dog kennel.

Kurosaki turned Yuya around and pulled his hands behind his back. Yuya didn't even have the strength to struggle as Kurosaki bound his hands together with a soft rope, and then pulled another rope over his chest and upper arms to keep him from struggling too much. His ankles were bound next, and then Kurosaki stood up and disappeared up the stairs—was he leaving Yuya down here??

After a few moments, Kurosaki returned, lightly wrapping a blanket around Yuya's bare torso. He turned Yuya to face him again, looking sad.

“I'm sorry,” he said again. “I don't want to keep you like this, but I have—I have to make sure you're safe.”

Yuya felt a tremor of panic as Kurosaki shifted him towards the dog kennel, opening it up.

“Shun, please,” Yuya begged. “Pleased, I promise, I _promise_ I'll be good, I won't run, I won't fight, I'll try to remember how to be Yuto, please don't leave me down, here, please, Shun, _please—_ ”

Kurosaki's face twisted a bit—whether it was with guilt or irritation. Yuya didn't know. But the next thing he knew, Kurosaki was shoving a roll of cloth inside Yuya's mouth, and slapping tape over it to keep it in. Yuya mmphed and gagged against it, but he couldn't even beg, now, as Kurosaki heaved him inside the dog kennel and shut it up, locking it from the outside and stowing the key away in his pocket.

“I'm sorry,” he whispered again. “But at least you're warm and safe down here. It's going to be okay. I'm going to protect you, no matter what it takes this time.”

Yuya screamed through his gag as Kurosaki turned around and headed back for the stairs—and then the light went out and he heard the door slam and click locked up the stairs and he was completely, utterly alone.

 


	9. Day Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> // warnings: rape mention, nekkid people, nonconsensual/sexually coded touching, water-related torture

Yugo let the phone drop to his knee, feeling his hands shaking. After a beat, a hand moved on top of his, and he looked up to see Rin's eyes glittering in the dark, her head tilted and brow furrowed with concern.

“What's the news?” she whispered.

He couldn't speak, for a moment. His throat was so tight and his eyes were thick with tears that he refused to shed. He took a moment to just breathe heavy, rattling breaths.

“...landslide,” he mumbled. “Rescue team can't get up the mountain. There's no going up...or back down. Not for a while....it might take a few days for them...to clear a path....not even sure if that's where he ended up going...”

Rin's hand squeezed around his palm.

“Yugo,” she whispered.

He couldn't stop it. He couldn't stop his shoulders from shaking, couldn't stop himself from pressing a hand to his mouth and trying to smother out the panic and the sobs that he wanted to let pour out of him. His brain just kept jumping back and forth and back and forth—he couldn't remember what the last thing he had said to Yuya was, couldn't even remember what the last thing they did together was. They used to go out to dance clubs after classes together and tease each other into trying to flirt with random strangers. Yuya was a Broadway kid at heart but he could dance as well as Yugo could, and he was always laughing and dragging Yugo up again when he thought he was too tired. He didn't want to think about it, but Yuto used to come along too—he'd never dance, he'd just sit nervously at the table with their drinks, claiming that he wanted to make sure no one messed with them. Yugo knew he was just too shy to dance, and he had always resolved one day that he'd make him.

Then he was thinking about Yuto, and about Yuya again, and about all the stupid, dumb things he had said and done, that time that he ripped up Yuya's drawing when they were kids and he was mad at him, the time that he had pushed Yuto over on his bike because he was mad that Yuto had learned before he had, that one time that he and Yuya had a screaming match and didn't talk to each other for four days in a row and Yugo had even skipped the opening night of his play with his first lead role—he couldn't even remember why—that time that he had stolen the last of Yuto's birthday cake—he couldn't remember a single fucking good thing he had done for either of them.

“I'm a horrible brother,” he mumbled, the tears finally leaking out of his eyes. “Rin, I'm—I'm the worst, I should be there right now taking care of Yuuri but I can't, I can't do anything, I can't even be there for the brothers that I still have because—Rin I can't do this again—”

Rin hugged him, fiercely, so hard that her knuckles dug into his shoulder blades, her face pressed against his neck, and he could feel her tears staining against his skin.

“You're not,” she mumbled. “You're not, you're not terrible, it's okay, I'm right here, everything's going to be okay.”

“No, it's not, nothing's okay, he's gone, what if he never comes back, Rin, Rin, why didn't I take care of him—why wasn't I there, why didn't I say anything, why didn't I agree with Yuuri and tell Yuya to stay away—”

Rin just pulled him tighter into her and he could feel her shoulders shaking almost as bad as him and he remembered, then that Rin and Yuya had been friends, too, a tiny Rin from the house down the street demanding to join in their games of pretend, always the knight that would fight the dragon Yuya to rescue the princess Yugo (that was still embarrassing); Rin often joining them for those dance club expeditions as college kids and getting drunk and flirting with Yuya and Yugo at the same time and Yuya just laughing as he pulled her arm over his shoulder on one side and together they helped her get home. He wrapped his arms all the way around her, and realized, for the first time, that he was actually taller than her, that his arms could envelop her entire slight frame so easily.

He pressed her against him, dropped his head into her hair, and let his sobs roll out of him.

_Please come back._

* * *

Yuya had no idea how long it had been. There was no way to count the time in the pure dark, and he was certain he had dozed off more than once. He was so _tired_. His legs panged with pain at even the tiniest movement, and it was hard to breathe with his mouth stuffed. This kennel was big enough to fit him, but it was still uncomfortable, leaning back against the bars. He was certain his cheek was covered in marks from when his face had lolled against it during sleep, and he couldn't fully lift his head. At least he was warm, he thought, moving his fingers experimentally. It seemed that he hadn't sustained any permanent damage from the cold.

He jumped when he heard the door open, and light poured down the stars. Yuya flinched as it hit his eyes, closing his eyes against it. Kurosaki's boots clunked down the stairs, and by the time Yuya was able to open his eyes, Kurosaki was already kneeling down to unlock the kennel.

“Are you awake, Yuto?” he murmured. “I brought something for you to eat.”

Yuya couldn't respond, so he just nodded. Kurosaki smiled through the bars as he pulled it open. Then he reached inside and carefully pulled Yuya out, lifting him back onto the floor. Yuya sucked in desperate breaths through his nose. The food smelled warm and his stomach rumbled.

Kurosaki unwrapped the blanket from Yuya and moved it aside, then he carefully peeled the tape from Yuya's mouth and tugged the cloth free, letting Yuya breathe for a moment.

“Are you thirsty?” he said, picking up a glass of water.

Yuya didn't trust himself to speak, so he only nodded. Kurosaki put a hand on the back of his head and held the water to his lips, helping Yuya drink. Then he set the glass down, leaned Yuya back up against the kennel, and picked up the plate. Once again, Kurosaki fed Yuya by hand, one bite at a time, and Yuya ate silently and obediently. Now that his mouth was free he felt a little bit better, but his hands were uncomfortable, and he didn't like being naked to his underwear in front of Kurosaki.

Finally, Yuya was done eating and Kurosaki set the plate aside.

“I'm going to change your bandages, okay?” he said, sounding soothing. “Stay still.”

Yuya nodded, and Kurosaki untied his ankles so that he could get to his legs. Yuya tried his best to remain still as Kurosaki unwrapped the bandages from his legs, treated the wounds with antibiotic again, and wrapped them up with fresh bandages. He hated the feeling of Kurosaki's cold hands on his skin, though...and when Kurosaki was done changing the bandages, his hand lingered on the inside of Yuya's calf.

Yuya almost screamed as he moved his hand up a little further, shifting closer so that he was almost straddling Yuya. A horrible tremble came over Yuya as Kurosaki's face grew closer, and a tear grew in his eye in spite of himself. Kurosaki frowned, reaching up to wipe the tear away with one finger.

“What's wrong?” he said.

A morbid laugh grew in the bottom of Yuya's stomach, but he shoved it down. What was _wrong_? What was _wrong_?? Kurosaki was keeping him locked up in a basement and he legitimately wanted to know what was wrong?

Yuya swallowed.

“It's....it's dark down here,” he whispered.

Kurosaki's eyes softened.

“I know. I'm sorry. I wish I didn't have to keep you like this, but I have to make sure you're safe, Yuto.”

Yuya felt more tears pool in the corners of his eyes—every time he heard his brother's name instead of his own, he felt like he was dying a little more inside. He couldn't remember the last time someone had called him but his own name.

Looking concerned, Kurosaki leaned in to put his forehead against Yuya's.

“You're warm,” he said. “I hope you're not getting a fever...I didn't bring any medicine...”

For one morbid moment, Yuya hoped that he would get a fever and that he would die so that he didn't have to be here anymore. He bit the desire down with a horrified gasp. No, no, no, he didn't want to die, he didn't want to be here, but he didn't want to die—

Their faces were so close, Yuya felt like he was about to overheat. And then Kurosaki seemed to lose his self-control, and his lips crashed against Yuya's, once again his tongue diving into Yuya's mouth and making him choke. Kurosaki's hands came into his hair and pulled a little bit, tilting his head back so that he had to open up his throat to Kurosaki's deep, searching kiss. The kiss moved from his mouth down to his neck as he pulled Yuya's head back further to allow him access to his neck, and Kurosaki heaved for breath in between kisses.

“Yuto,” he moaned. “Yuto...oh god, Yuto, I missed you so much...you're really here, aren't you?”

Yuya was trying so hard not to scream as Kurosaki's lips ran down his collarbone, probably leaving bruising marks behind across his chest and shoulders and neck.

“Y-yes, I-I'm really here, Shun,” he mumbled, afraid of the way that Kurosaki's teeth nicked against his skin with the more bruising kisses.

Yuya whined as Kurosaki's hands ran down his sides, down to his hips, his knee pressing against Yuya's crotch. Was Kurosaki going to—

The sound of his whine seemed to bring Kurosaki back to himself, and he leaned back, gasping for breath. He swallowed, rubbing his mouth with the back of his hand.

“I'm sorry,” he said. “I—I should let you keep recovering...you had a bad day yesterday...”

He leaned back and retrieved the ropes, pulling Yuya's legs back together and starting to wrap them back up. Yuya whined, pulling away a little bit, but Kurosaki's nails dug into his skin.

“Don't move,” he said, his voice actually harsh for a moment, and Yuya shut his mouth.

Finally, Yuya's legs were rebound, and Kurosaki leaned past him to open the kennel back up. Yuya let out a tiny moan.

“D-do I have to go back in the kennel?” Yuya said, before he could stop himself. “Please it's—it's uncomfortable...the bars dig into my back.”

Kurosaki's lips parted, hesitating in the motion of moving.

“I'm sorry, I should have thought—I'll put some blankets down inside, okay? Hang on.”

He stood up, walking back to a small cupboard in the opposite corner. He opened it up, dragging out a handful of blankets. Yuya felt his heart sinking as Kurosaki knelt down to put the blankets inside the kennel, patting them around the corners.

He reached for Yuya again and Yuya flinched. Kurosaki's brow furrowed, and Yuya couldn't tell if he was upset or angry, so he froze up again.

“I'm sorry,” he said, again, the words sounding more and more hollow every time. “But I have to be certain that you're in a safe place. Come on.”

He pulled Yuya back towards him and pushed him back inside the now blanketed kennel. He leaned back for a moment, looking him over.

“Do you promise to be quiet?” he said. “I don't want to have to gag you again.”

Yuya swallowed around his tears and nodded wildly. Kurosaki smiled. He reached in to pat Yuya on the head.

“That's good,” he said. “Thank you, Yuto. You're being so good....I know it's still going to take a while for you to figure yourself out again, so I have to make sure that you're safe.”

Then he leaned back out, and closed and locked the kennel behind him.

Yuya wanted to scream, but he had promised that he would be quiet and he had no idea what Kurosaki would do if he wasn't. So he just sat there in a trembling silence as he watched Kurosaki clomp back up the stars with the empty plate. Watched him turn off the light, close the door, and lock it once more, leaving Yuya, once again, in the dark.

* * *

Yuya startled awake at the sound of the door opening again, his heart hammering in his chest. What—where was he? H-how long had passed? He didn't have any idea at all—

He was so disoriented that Kurosaki had already opened up the kennel and started to life him out by the time Yuya came back to himself.

“Sh, sh, sh,” Kurosaki said, as Yuya began to struggle in spite of himself. “I want to check on you...I need to make sure you didn't get too banged up from falling into the river...”

Yuya froze and waited as Kurosaki poked and prodded at his limbs. He shook his head.

“You look all right, I guess...” he said. “Ugh...you're starting to stink up a little, though. You could probably use a bath.”

Yuya was still only half awake, but he didn't like the sound of that. Kurosaki cupped his cheek in his hand, smiling at him.

“What do you think? You'd probably feel better, huh?”

Yuya couldn't even speak, he felt like he was choking. Kurosaki took that for confirmation, apparently, because he began to untie Yuya's ankles, and got his arms under Yuya's to guide him carefully to his feet. Yuya's legs protested, the stab wounds aching, but he was able to keep his feet as long as Kurosaki supported him.

Kurosaki held him there for a moment, just holding him against his chest.

“Yuto,” he whispered. “You trust me, right?”

Yuya tried not to sob—he knew what the right answer was.

“Of course, Shun,” he lied.

Kurosaki smiled.

“That's—that's good...I know this is all so confusing, and this isn't ideal, but...but you do have to trust me. I'm making sure that you don't disappear again. I need you to trust me.”

He tilted Yuya's chin up towards him.

“Can you promise that you trust me?” he said.

Yuya swallowed.

“Y-yes,” he said. “Yes, I promise, Shun.”

Kurosaki nodded.

“Good,” he said. “I need you to trust me with this, too, okay?”

He tugged a strip of cloth from his pocket, and Yuya froze up as he pulled it over his eyes, blotting out his vision and tying it off behind his head.

“Okay,” Kurosaki said. “I'm sorry, but this is just a precaution, okay? Until we're in the bathroom. I'll hang on to you, I promise.”

It was taking literally everything Yuya had not to cry. He had been down here in the dark for god knew how long, and now Kurosaki was going to blindfold him in order to take him upstairs? It felt like a cruel, cruel joke. He wondered if even Kurosaki realized how cruel he was being.

Kurosaki guided him gently up the stairs, one step at a time. Yuya whined with pain as his legs protested the movement, but then they were at the top of the stairs and he could feel carpet under his bare feet. It was much colder up here, he thought with a shiver. They moved down the hall, and he heard a light turn on, and his feet found cold tile next.

Kurosaki guided him down to a sitting position and leaned him against the wall. Yuya heard the door close and click locked again, and then Kurosaki's boots clomped across the floor. A stream of water exploded from a tap somewhere nearby, and Yuya could hear water striking itself as a tub started to fill up with water. Yuya became suddenly very, _very_ aware of the fact that he was only in his underwear, his hands were tied up, and he was blindfolded.

“Okay,” Kurosaki said softly. “This is going to be a little bit hard like this, so I'm going to untie your hands. Do you promise to be good?”

“O-of course,” Yuya said.

“Thank you, Yuto.”

Kurosaki pulled Yuya away from the wall, and Yuya felt his fingers fumbling with the knots around his hands and the one around his chest. His hands were finally freed and Yuya quickly brought them around so that he could rub at the chafing around his wrists. Kurosaki pulled the blindfold free next. The light of the bathroom was almost blinding, and Yuya blinked a few times, trying to see. Kurosaki looked down at him cheerfully, running his fingers through his hair briefly.

“I think it should be warm enough,” he said. “Let's get you cleaned up, okay?”

And then he hooked his fingers into Yuya's underwear and started to pull them off.

Yuya wasn't sure what happened but he knew that he had panicked, and for a moment, he whited out. He imagined the terror of being completely naked in front of Kurosaki, this man that had kidnapped and tormented him for days now, and the fact that right now Kurosaki thought that he was Yuto, and Yuya _knew_ that Kurosaki and Yuto had been sleeping together and what would Kurosaki do to him if he was naked—

When he came out of the brief white-out, he became suddenly aware that he had—oh god. He had just hit Kurosaki.

Kurosaki was leaning back, looking shocked, a red mark sprouting on his cheek. Shock shone in his eyes, his lips parting as though he couldn't believe that Yuya had just laid a hand on him.

Yuya remembered Kurosaki's knife, the pain of it getting plunged into his leg.

Yuya panicked.

Using the wall behind him as a support, he kicked out as hard as he could, catching Kurosaki in the stomach. He struggled up to his feet and bolted for the bathroom door—the knob wouldn't turn! In his panic he forgot that he had to turn the little switch in the doorknob to unlock it and he wasted precious seconds trying to get it open.

Then Kurosaki's hand latched into Yuya's hair and _yanked_ him back across the room. Yuya screamed, batting at his hand, kicking and punching as Kurosaki let out a roar.

“What the fuck?” he screamed. “What do you think you're doing, Yuto? Yuto! Stop—stop fucking struggling, Yuto, you fucking—”

Yuya's leg connected with Kurosaki's knee and he grunted, releasing Yuya. Yuya dropped to his knees and crawled across the floor back to the door—not fast enough. Kurosaki grabbed him by the back of the neck, flipping him over and slamming him against the ground, his hands tightening around Yuya's neck.

“You said you trusted me!” Kurosaki screamed. “You promised that you trusted me! Were you fucking lying, Yuto? Were you _fucking lying?_ ”

Yuya couldn't breathe, he was crying but he couldn't see or feel it as Kurosaki's wild furious face loomed over him, his fingers digging into Yuya's throat. Spots flared over Yuya's eyes as he tried uselessly to pry Kurosaki's fingers off of him.

Hand still on his throat, Kurosaki yanked him off the floor, flinging him over the side of the bath and flipping him over. His hand came down hard on the back of his head and then suddenly Yuya's face was plunged into the hot water. He screamed into the water, letting up a stream of bubbles as his hands scrabbled against the porcelain, but he couldn't fight Kurosaki's hand, he was going to start inhaling water and Kurosaki wasn't letting him back up, Kurosaki was going to drown him—

He was yanked back out of the water by his hair and he gasped for breath, still flailing.

“Were you lying to me?” Kurosaki screamed into his ear again. “Don't fucking lie to me, Yuto! Don't fucking lie!”

Yuya couldn't even breathe, he tried to say something but he was still dealing with the spots over his eyes and the panic making him scrabble against the porcelain. Kurosaki dunked his head under the water again without warning and this time Yuya inhaled a little bit of water before he was yanked back up again, and he coughed and choked, clawing at his throat.

“You said you trusted me! You said you loved me, Yuto! Why do you keep trying to fucking leave?”

Yuya couldn't do anything but hang from Kurosaki's grip and sob, tears pouring over his cheeks along with the bathwater. Kurosaki viciously dunked him under the water again, holding him there for what felt like minutes before he was finally ripped back up and flung to the floor.

“Why do you keep doing this?” Kurosaki screamed. “Why won't you trust me??”

Yuya flinched, dragging his hands over his head, terrified that Kurosaki would start stabbing him again or push him under the water again or—

“I-I'm sorry,” he managed to gasp, crying. “S-Shun, I'm sorry, p-please, I'm sorry—”

Kurosaki's entire demeanor changed in an instance. All at once, he was pulling Yuya against his chest, stroking his head and whispering soothing sounds.

“It's okay,” he said. “It's okay, Yuto. I'm right here.”

The mood swing was so fast that for a moment, Yuya just laid there, stunned. But then he was crying again, pressing into the embrace.

“I'm sorry,” he whispered again. “I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...”

He kept repeating it over and over again because it seemed like the more he apologized the more that Kurosaki soothed him, cradling him in his arms as he stroked his hair and rubbed gentle, soothing circles on his chest. It was such a horrendously startling contrast from the violence before that Yuya just melted, his hands gripping helplessly to Kurosaki's sleeves because he didn't want Kurosaki to go mad again, he just wanted Kurosaki to hold him and soothe him and be calm and happy again.

After a few minutes of cradling him, Kurosaki leaned up to turn the water off on the bath—it was already so full that it was starting to leak over the edges, joining the puddle of water from the splashing that Yuya had been doing.

“Are you okay now, Yuto?” Kurosaki soothed. “Come on, let's get you into the bath.”

Yuya felt like his lungs were choking him at the thought of getting back in the water, flashing to the pressure of Kurosaki's hand holding him under, but he didn't move, paralyzed by the fear that he would set Kurosaki off again. He had to be completely obedient or Kurosaki might actually kill him.

Kurosaki shifted him over and hooked his fingers into his underwear again, sliding it off of him. Yuya felt tears springing to his eyes but he didn't speak or move this time. He peeled the bandages off of his legs next so that they wouldn't get wet, looking over the puncture wounds before anything else.

Kurosaki got his arm under Yuya's, and carefully guided him to his feet.

“One step at a time,” he said softly, gently, helping Yuya get into the bath. “There you go...that's not so bad, right? Is it too hot?”

It was a little, but Yuya was too afraid to speak so he just shook his head. Kurosaki lowered him carefully down so that he was leaning against the back of the tub, immersed in the water up to his chin.

“Let's get you cleaned up,” Kurosaki said. “Okay?”

Yuya only nodded.

Kurosaki really didn't do much, he just got out a washcloth with some soap and started to rub Yuya down. Yuya obediently lifted his arms when Kurosaki prompted, hoping that his hands wouldn't go anywhere else—he didn't think he could take it...

“Do you remember the first time we tried using this thing?” Kurosaki said. “When we came up here the first time? We couldn't get the hot water to work for two days and we thought it must be busted, so we just took turns taking really cold showers.”

Yuya actually remembered this from one of his training sessions, or at least, parts of it.

“Do you remember?” Kurosaki prompted, and Yuya's breath caught, trying to remember the pieces that Kurosaki had drilled into him.

“I...yes,” he mumbled. “T-the water was so cold t-that you thought your hair would freeze in the mornings...”

Kurosaki smiled broadly, and Yuya breathed out with relief. He had remembered correctly. Some water splashed against his shirt and he shook his head with a frown. Yuya felt his throat close up as Kurosaki paused in the middle of washing Yuya to wriggle his shirt off over his head, tossing it behind him so that he was shirtless.

“It's just so cold up on the mountains, we thought we were gonna die,” he said with a laugh, returning to scrubbing Yuya's back. “Wet hair in the morning was a killer.”

“N-neither of us had thought to bring a hair dryer,” Yuya said quickly as the facts that Kurosaki had given him came to him. He—he had to make sure Kurosaki stayed happy.

Kurosaki laughed.

“That's right, we were both idiots,” he said, shaking his head.

He squirted some shampoo into his hand and started to massage it through Yuya's hair. It was such a dire contrast to the normal way that Kurosaki seemed to drag him around by the hair that Yuya actually found himself closing his eyes with relief and even enjoyment. He was just so relieved when Kurosaki was calm that he couldn't help but feel...happy.

“We finally figured out that we had been turning the knob the wrong direction,” he said. “We're such dumbasses.”

Yuya tried to laugh.

“Y-yeah, we really are...”

Kurosaki gently scratched the soap through Yuya's scalp.

“I need to rinse this off, hold your breath a moment,” he said.

Yuya's hands gripped the bathtub. He—he was going to dunk him again. Oh god—

But then he saw the sudden flicker of darkness in Kurosaki's eyes and he quickly forced himself to relax. Kurosaki dunked him briefly under the water again and let him back up just as quickly, rinsing the shampoo from his hair. He stroked his fingers through it to get rid of the last bits of soap, humming softly to himself.

Then, almost unconsciously, his fingers trailed down from Yuya's hair to his face, cupping it between his wet hands. Yuya tried his best to breathe as one hand remained on his face and the other slid down past his throat and under the water to his chest.

“Do you remember what we did when we finally got the hot water running?” he murmured.

Yuya thought he had a guess, and he—he didn't want it—

Kurosaki released him briefly and stood up, fumbling with the fly of his pants. Yuya looked quickly away when his pants dropped, and he heard Kurosaki chuckle.

“You always get so flustered,” he said. “It's not like you haven't seen it before.”

Yuya thought he might be hyperventilating. Kurosaki wouldn't—wouldn't rape him in the bathtub, would he?

Kurosaki pushed him gently back from the back of the tub, making space for himself to climb in behind him and sink into the water. Yuya looked straight ahead and tried not to think too hard about how their naked bodies were oh so close under the water and Kurosaki was pulling Yuya against his chest, and his legs were moving around him so that Yuya was sitting in his lap and oh god he could feel his—he could feel his dick right against his back.

“Sh, it's okay,” Kurosaki said quietly, as though he could sense Yuya's sudden tension and discomfort. His arms wrapped around Yuya's chest and his head fell on top of Yuya's, sighing as he pulled Yuya closer to him. Yuya could only look straight ahead and try very hard not to think about what was holding him from behind, about what he was leaning against. He...he hadn't even...with Reiji....

“God, I know I keep saying this, but I missed you so much,” Kurosaki breathed into Yuya's hair. “Ugh...having you here like this....I'm so happy...”

Yuya felt like he was choking, tears threatening to spill out of his eyes—how long were they going to sit like this? Was Kurosaki going to try anything else? What did Kurosaki want him to say to keep him happy?

He felt Kurosaki's arms tighten just a little bit around him, his nails glancing over his skin, and he thought _oh god he's angry_.

“I-I'm happy too,” Yuya said quickly. “I'm so happy, Shun.”

Kurosaki sighed deeply, and his grip relaxed a little, and Yuya knew he had said the right thing.

“Thank you,” he murmured. “Thank you...I'm so glad you're back with me...I'm so glad you're trying so hard for me...”

Yuya bit down hard on his lip briefly to still the moan that he wanted to let out as he felt Kurosaki's dick starting to harden a little against his back.

“Of course,” he mumbled. “B-Because I love you, Shun. I-I'll always be here with you.”

Kurosaki sighed again, and then he was kissing the side of Yuya's neck and Yuya moaned. Kurosaki's hands slid down to grab Yuya's hands as he moved his lips down to Yuya's shoulder, then grabbed the side of his head with one hand and twisted his head back around so that he could kiss Yuya hard on the lips. Yuya moaned into his mouth as Kurosaki bit his lip, as though daring him to reciprocate, and Yuya tried so hard to do so. Kurosaki's hand was slipping lower and lower and then Yuya gasped, breaking back away from Kurosaki.

“Ku—Shun,” he gasped, his mind racing. “I-I—my legs.”

It was the first thing he thought of, his legs panging with pain at being moved across the water—he thought that it was pretty much a miracle that they weren't bleeding into the water right now.

Kurosaki seemed to remember himself, his eyes half-lidded with exertion.

“Oh...right,” he mumbled. “You...you shouldn't exert yourself right now...”

He swallowed. For a moment, they just sat there, both of them gasping for breath.

Then Kurosaki carefully stood up, supporting Yuya's back as he pulled himself out of the bath and onto the mat.

“Let's get you back,” he said. “I think you're all clean.”

Yuya obediently moved as directed as Kurosaki pulled him back out of the bath and toweled him off. Kurosaki rebandaged his wounds, and then—thank god—pulled out a new set of clothes for Yuya to wear, helping him dress again. Yuya felt himself breathing easier now that he was covered up again. It was a small comfort, and he still felt sick looking at himself in clothes that made him look like Yuto, but at least he wasn't naked anymore.

Kurosaki carefully brushed his wet hair back into the same style that Yuto always wore it. He chattered a bit more about the last time they had been here and Yuya tried desperately to memorize all the details for the next time he was quizzed about being Yuto. After that, Kurosaki bound his hands behind his back again, re-blindfolded him, and lead him out of the bathroom and back to the basement.

His blindfold was removed and he was replaced inside the kennel, only his hands bound this time.

“I'll be back with dinner for you, okay?” Kurosaki said, petting Yuya's hair gently again. “Be good while I'm gone.”

“I-I will...” Yuya mumbled. And then he quickly added, “thank you, Shun.”

That made Kurosaki's eyes light up, and Yuya felt the tension in his chest unravel, letting him breathe. He had said the right thing. Thank god.

Kurosaki squeezed his shoulders, then leaned back out of the kennel and locked it behind him.

Once again, the lights went out, and this time, Yuya didn't even think he had the energy to even think about screaming.

 


	10. Day ???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> // warnings: stockholm syndrome

How long had it been....? It couldn't...couldn't have been more than a few days since the storm, right? Yuya had no idea. He couldn't count the time passing down here in the dark, and when Shun came downstairs to feed him it seemed like it happened at irregular times. It didn't help that Yuya kept drifting off to sleep and jolting awake again at random intervals, so that he couldn't even keep a basic idea of how much time had passed.

Shun's visits were more than just irregular on the times that he appeared, they were irregular in their purpose, too. Most of the time, he came down, let Yuya out of the kennel to feed him, and then locked him back up and left. Sometimes, though, he would bring the photo album back downstairs, and by the very, very dim light of a dying light bulb overhead, he would go over the things that Yuya had to remember as Yuto again.

He was, at least, a little less quick to reach for the stun gun, because Yuya was doing better at remembering, or coming up with things that sounded like what Yuto would have said or done. Shun was getting happier every time he pulled the book out, and Yuya felt some kind of weight lifting off of his chest.

Sometimes the training sessions turned into make-out sessions, and Shun would suddenly lose his sense of self control and just pin Yuya up against the shelves, eating his breath away with his lips as Yuya moaned into his mouth and Shun's hands started to wander down his chest and lower. He always pulled back, though, and mumbled something about not yet, or how Yuya still needed time to recover, and then he'd quickly pack up the album, put Yuya back inside the kennel with his hands tied, and then hurry back up the stairs, once more consigning Yuya to the lonely dark.

Yuya was starting to dream about the places and things that Shun told him about in the album. He would wake up with tears in his eyes, thinking that he had just been in a Ferris Wheel car with Shun sitting across from him, the pair of them in the starry-skied dark as their eyes met and they shared their second kiss, the first time that their kiss had turned into a full on make-out session. He would fall asleep and he'd be walking on the beach with Shun's hand in his and his head was resting on Shun's shoulder while Shun grumbled something about the weather and he just laughed and teased him for being such a grump, and then he'd see Shun smiling at him and—

The worst was when he woke up, and for a moment, he thought his name was Yuto.

The door opened again, stirring Yuya out of a half doze. He blinked tears out of the corners of his eyes, squinting as the door was closed again and Shun walked down the stairs, flipping on the light bulb. It was barely more than a faint orange, and it would go out soon. Yuya's tears bubbled in his eyes and blurred the already heavy darkness.

“Are you awake, Yuto?” Shun whispered. “I brought something for you to eat.”

Yuya waited obediently as Shun unlocked the kennel and pulled Yuya out. His hands were so gentle as he carefully eased Yuya back onto the floor, his hands lingered against Yuya's shoulders for a moment. His hands were cool through his shirt, and Yuya leaned into the touch—it was warm down here, but sometimes, the heat became cloying. He closed his eyes, leaning into Shun as Shun hugged him close briefly. It was so much nicer than being alone....Yuya hated feeling this way but he couldn't deny how much better it was when Shun was being gentle and he wasn't alone in the dark anymore.

“Are you okay? You're shaking,” Shun said, cupping Yuya's face.

Yuya couldn't stop the tears from leaking down his cheeks.

“S-Shun,” he mumbled. “P-please....please, can I go back upstairs? It's so dark down here...I'm so lonely...please, Shun...”

“Yuto,” Shun breathed, his brow furrowing with guilt. “Yuto, I just...I need to make sure that...”

“Y-you can bring the kennel upstairs, I promise I'll be good,” Yuya said. “Please, Shun, let me be upstairs with you, I haven't seen the sun in so long...”

Shun's lips parted a little as he ran his hand gently down the side of Yuya's face. Yuya leaned into his hand, the tears dripping across his fingers.

Shun sighed.

“All right,” he said. “All right...you're right, this isn't a good place for you...okay. Come on, careful, now.”

He helped guide Yuya to his feet and Yuya almost fell over—he hadn't stood up in...how long? He didn't even remember. His legs panged faintly with the pain from his stab wounds but those appeared to be scabbing over. It was just his legs being so tired from underuse that made him wobble, made him desperately lean into Shun for support.

Shun whispered soothingly to him as he guided Yuya up the stairs, one at a time, occasionally lifting him slightly into his arms when Yuya stumbled on a step.

Yuya flinched when the door opened and orangey daylight assaulted him. A faint cry escaped him as he squeezed his eyes shut, and then Shun was hugging him tightly, pressing his face against his chest.

“It's okay, take it slow,” he soothed. “It's okay.”

Yuya could only tremble, shaking in Shun's arms. Shun lifted him up then and carried him the rest of the way, opening up the room that Yuya had slept in on the first night and bringing Yuya in. He rested Yuya carefully on the bed. He hesitated a moment before letting go, and Yuya found himself longing for that touch once Shun finally pulled away from him. He paused, and then he shifted Yuya to the foot of the bed and untied his hands, moving them in front of him and tying them tightly to the bed post.

“I'll be right back,” he said, stroking Yuya's hair. “Stay put.”

“I-I will, I promise,” Yuya said. And he knew he would, even if his hands hadn't been bound to the bed post. He didn't have it in him to walk—he didn't even have the will. All he wanted to do was sit here and just absorb the setting sunlight that was pouring through the window, lean into Shun's hand against his face and relax into the gentle, painless moment.

But then Shun took his hand away and turned back towards the door, leaving Yuya briefly alone in the room. Yuya didn't even have the strength to look around, he was just so relieved that he was out of the basement, in the sunlight. It was colder up here, but he didn't care, as long as he wasn't in the dark. The sun was setting and the orangey glow through the window was the most beautiful thing that Yuya had ever seen in his life.

He heard Shun grunting out in the hall, followed by a bumping, jangling sound. He appeared then with the kennel, awkwardly trying to heave it through the door. The room wasn't very big, so he had to shove it up between the bed and the wall, just across from the door. He left again, and returned with the plate of food that he had originally brought down stairs.

“Feeling better?” he said, smiling.

“Yes, thank you so much,” Yuya said. He really did, it was like there was a weight unfurling from his chest and he could breathe again. His eyes were adjusting to the light and he felt light, airy, as though he would drift off into the sky.

Shun smiled broadly, and Yuya couldn't help but smile back.

Yuya ate what Shun fed him obediently, and then Shun walked away to put the dishes away. He came back with the photo album, sitting next to Yuya and opening it excitedly.

“I'm so glad you're upstairs now,” he said. “We can spend more time together this way.”

He opened up to a page that Yuya recognized from a previous session, the one about the fair, and Yuya breathed out with relief. He remembered everything about this one. He had been _dreaming_ about this one.

“Remember this?” Shun started, as he always did, but Yuya did, now, and he started talking first.

“I wanted that stupid lemur plushie but I couldn't aim the darts well enough,” he said. “You got it for me even though you said the prize was stupid.”

“I was such a tool,” Shun mumbled. “I always complained and grumped.”

“But I knew you really enjoyed everything,” Yuya said. “You always had this smile when you thought I wasn't looking.”

Shun looked like he was going to cry, and he quickly covered his eyes with his hand.

“Do you still have it? That lemur?”

“Yes,” Yuya said, because he remembered, it was still there, hanging from the little hammock in the corner of Yuto's side of the room....his side that had been untouched since the day he didn't come home. “Of course I do.”

Yuya startled out of his reminiscing as he realized—he had been imagining himself sitting on Yuto's side of the room, not his. And it...it had felt okay.

Shun closed the album and tossed it to the side, wrapping his arms around Yuya. Yuya could feel his tears in his hair, and all at once he wanted to hug Shun back, he wanted to hold him and hug him tightly and feel his bulk under his arms. He twisted against the bonds that held him to the post and whined. The sound seemed to make Shun hesitated, and he drew back briefly, looking over Yuya. Without a word, he reached over and pulled at the knots around Yuya's hands, freeing him. Immediately, Yuya slid his arms around Shun's waist and pressed his face against his shoulder, almost crying as Shun hugged him close.

“I love you so much,” Shun whispered. “I love you, Yuto. I love you, I love you.”

“I love you too,” Yuya whispered, not even flinching this time to hear Yuto's name instead of his own. “I love you too, Shun...”

“Don't ever leave me again,” Shun whispered into his neck, his tears cold against Yuya's skin. “Please.”

“I won't, I promise,” Yuya said.

It was so warm and gentle in Shun's arms....Yuya didn't even protest as Shun slowly laid down, pulling Yuya with him, snuggling up beside him on the bed as he tucked Yuya into his embrace. Yuya snuggled up into him, just breathing in his scent, feeling a relaxation that he hadn't had in days come over him.

_Maybe....becoming Yuto...wouldn't be so bad..._

 


	11. Night ???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> // warnings: knives, electrical shock, violent mood swings, attempted rape, blood, character death
> 
> just letting you all know, I'M crying over this chapter so um
> 
> tread carefully
> 
> i hate myself :'D

Yugo scrambled up at the sound of his phone beeping at him as though Sonic had just lost all his rings. Rin moaned as he shifted her in his attempt to get up and he squeaked out a whispery sorry before he managed to stumble across the room, grabbing the phone and flipping it open to read the message.

_Way clear. The police are going up in twenty minutes. Need you here. Please._

Yuuri never ended his messages with please. He must be...he must be panicking, worse than he acted.

Rin half lifted her head from the pillow as Yugo fumbled for his shirt.

“News?” she whispered.

Yugo nodded.

“They're going up to check the cabin, I have to go—I have to—be there with my family.”

Rin reached out one hand, and Yugo hesitated. He reached, briefly, to grasp her hand in his, just to feel the warmth of her palm. It was so cold out here, out of the confines of the warm bed.

She lifted herself up so that she could kiss his fingers, and briefly press his palm to her cheek. Then she released him.

“Go,” she whispered. “Your family needs you.”

Yugo felt tears at the corners of his eyes and thought with a choked through that—that he might just be going to support them after losing a second brother.

“I need _you_ ,” he whispered.

She smiled.

“I'll be right behind you. I promise. Go.”

Yugo smiled briefly, the tears leaking out of his eyes, and then he whipped around and bolted for the door.

* * *

_He was dreaming again._

_Across the table, he was laughing. The dark-haired boy with the hazel-yellow eyes; something he had said had set him off for the first time in a while and he was just chortling over his very expensive dinner. They were drawing looks, this wasn't the venue for the kind of laughing they were doing, but neither of them cared. Neither of them even remembered why they were laughing._

_He reached across the table and his hand was warm against his, tears in his eyes from laughing._

“ _You,” he laughed, “are ridiculous, Yuto.”_

_He was walking on the beach holding his hand—Shun's hand. Shun hummed some tuneless song under his breath, as though he thought that the ocean's lapping would hide it away._

“ _You should sing for me again sometime,” he said. “You have a nice voice.”_

_Shun only blushed and looked away._

_They were sitting on a bench at night, and he was falling asleep against Shun's shoulder, jolting every now and then._

“ _Look,” Shun whispered. “Look, quick, Yuto!”_

_He looked up and his lips parted as he saw the streak of light pass across the sky, felt Shun's hand grasp his shoulder so tightly as he himself grabbed Shun's knee in delight. Shun kissed him as soon as he looked over to catch his gaze, to see what he thought about the star, and they just melted into each other. Shun was gasping when they broke away._

“ _What did you wish for?” he said._

_He smiled._

“ _I wished we could stay together forever.”_

_He was lying down, warm and cozy...enveloped in his arms. He didn't want to wake up. It was so...so peaceful. He snuggled a little bit deeper into his chest, breathing in his scent._

“ _Hey,” the other whispered. “Hey...we're going to be late for class.”_

“ _Don't wanna get up,” he mumbled, snuggling closer. “Too warm. Stay here.”_

_A soft chuckle. Then the other sat up, leaving him behind as he shifted his head onto his hand to look down at him. The other smiled as he moaned for the lack of the warm hug. The other squinted a bit to see him clearly, making his face crinkle._

“ _Get back here,” he mumbled, reaching for the other._

_The other laughed, his hand tracing lightly over his chest. His hair was a mess around his face; he looked so different with his normally perfectly combed gray hair left to tangle around his eyes._

“ _Excuse me, sleeping beauty, but some of us would like to graduate,” he said, smiling._

_He couldn't help but smile back, and he pushed up onto his hands so that he could meet him for a brief kiss. He broke away wanting more, still tasting him on his breath, and he sighed, closing his eyes briefly._

“ _I love you....” he breathed. “I love you...Reiji....”_

He startled awake as he felt a hand jerk out from under his body, dropping him out of the hug he had just been in. He blinked, coughing...his throat was so dry, and—and what had...

His eyes cleared and then suddenly Yuya was looking up at Shun looming over his head, his eyes wide and his face stone still. Yuya swallowed thickly. What—why was—he couldn't remember, at first, where he was or what was happening, but he knew—he knew it was _bad_ that Shun was looking at him like that, why was he looking at him like that—

“What did you just say?” Shun said.

Yuya felt the events of the last handful of days come rushing back at the sound of the coldness in that voice and every part of him went cold and frozen. He opened his mouth but no sound came out. It took him a second to force anything out of his throat.

“I—I...what?”

He yelped as Shun's hand knotted into his hair and yanked, making him pull his head back and stretch his neck.

“Don't fuck with me,” Shun hissed. “What did you just say??”

“I don't know, I don't know, I didn't say anything, Shun, I'm sorry, I didn't—”

Shun actually looked like he was about to start foaming at the mouth, his eyes wide and brow furrowed with absolute rage.

“You—fucking—” he hissed. “You just said _Reiji_.”

For a second, Yuya had no idea what he was talking about.

Then it started to edge back into his brain, the dreams about Shun, and the one that had turned into—

Yuya felt a chill pass through him. Oh god. He had dreamed about _Reiji_. And worse, he had...he had been talking in his sleep. He had said the wrong name in his sleep—Shun was going to—

Shun yanked so hard on Yuya's hair that Yuya screamed, feeling some of it come away in Shun's hands.

“You little fuck!” Shun screamed. “Were you lying to me _again_ , Yuto?! Were you just fucking lying?? You told me you loved me, you fucking bitch!”

Tears rolled out of Yuya's face as the terror shook down through him—oh _god,_ he had messed up, he had messed up—

“I do, Shun, I do, I do, I do, I do, I didn't mean it—”

It was too late—Shun was in a _rage_.

He grabbed Yuya's shirt and ripped it open, popping some of the buttons off, then grabbed the stun gun off the nightstand and slammed it against Yuya's stomach.

Yuya _screamed._ His entire body convulsed and flailed but he was pinned underneath Shun and there was nothing he could do to escape. Shun slammed it into his side next, and Yuya screamed as the gun hit him again and again and again, Shun punched it into him with such force that it was going to leave bruises even without the horrible electrical pulses running through him.

Yuya thought his heart was going to explode when the gun punched against his chest. He couldn't even scream, his entire top half seized up and for a second it felt like his heart was swelling up and he was going to choke on it—

Yuya's eyes flew open, gasping for breath. Shun was still sitting on him, also heaving harsh, short breaths, his face still red with rage. He grabbed Yuya by the throat and slammed him down against the bed, fingers digging into Yuya's throat as Yuya gasped.

“Don't you dare pass out again,” he hissed. “Don't you fucking dare, Yuto.”

He had—he had passed out for a second. Probably—stun gun to chest—not good for heart. Yuya couldn't think. He couldn't breathe, and Shun was slowly throttling him, his eyes were going to black out at the edges—

Shun released his throat and then the stun gun hit him in the arm again and he screamed.

“What is your name?” Shun shouted at him. “Tell the truth!”

Yuya screamed again as the stun gun hit his shoulder.

“I-I'm Yuto, I'm Yuto, Shun, my name is Yuto, I promise, I promise, I'm Yuto—”

Shun shocked him again and Yuya couldn't stop the tears from streaming out of his eyes, he thought he was going to completely dehydrate.

“I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Shun, I love you, I promise, I'm Yuto and I love you, please, Shun, please, please, please—”

Shun looked like he was going to shock him again, his hand trembling as he poised the gun over Yuya's chest. He was crying, Yuya saw suddenly. Shun was crying, snotty-nosed and lip trembling, his eyes still wide and wild as the tears rolled down his face, jaw clenched and teeth bared.

He dropped the stun gun, and it tumbled to the side and rolled off the bed and onto the floor. He fumbled in his pocket and Yuya felt his heart stop as he pulled the knife free. He grabbed Yuya by the hair and yanked him up, pressing the blade to his throat.

“Shun, please,” Yuya sobbed. “Shun, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, it's me, I'm Yuto, please, I didn't mean it, I love you Shun, _please_ —”

Shun's hand trembled and Yuya could feel the blade nicking against his neck and cold pulsed through him as he thought— _oh my god...he's actually going to kill me._

And then, slowly, Shun's hand unthreaded from Yuya's hair and he let his hand drop to his side, holding the knife limply. Yuya fell back to the bed, sobbing and gasping for breath.

He heard Shun toss the knife aside onto the nightstand, and then he was leaning down to hug Yuya, caressing his face and kissing his neck across the tiny cuts from the knife.

“I'm sorry,” he said, his voice sounding thick with tears. “I'm sorry, Yuto, I'm sorry, this is my fault, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.”

The tension released from Yuya's chest and he felt the weight lift away from him, able to breathe. Shun wasn't mad anymore. Thank god. He carefully slid his arms around Shun's shoulders, crying with relief.

“It's okay, it's okay,” he said. “It's okay, Shun.”

Shun shook his head against him.

“No, it's not, I'm sorry, I haven't—I haven't been thorough enough about—about teaching you, and that's why you—”

He sat up on his hands, face inches from Yuya's. Yuya could see his eyes, glittering with tears—they were such a pure shade, a yellow-hazel that pierced right through him.

“Yuto,” he said through a choked throat. “You know why I brought you here, right?”

Yuya nodded quickly, but Shun answered for him anyway, caressing his cheek.

“This is where we did it the first time,” he whispered. “This is...this is where we made love for the first time. Right here on this bed. Do you remember?”

That was the one thing that Yuya didn't feel like he could construct in his mind. He had never...before with anyone—he didn't let himself think the name that occurred to him, he didn't want to mess up again—

Shun moaned, pressing his forehead to Yuya's.

“Yuto,” he breathed, and his voice was so thick with both longing and lust that Yuya shivered. “Yuto, I want to—I need to know that—please, I want to make love to you again.”

Yuya felt everything inside him turn to ice.

He wanted—he didn't want that. He didn't want this. This was the one thing that he didn't want—

“Shun, please,” Yuya mumbled, but Shun seemed to take it as “Shun, please do make love to me”, or he was ignoring him, because suddenly his hands were moving down and undoing the fly of Yuya's pants.

Yuya didn't have any strength in him to fight or even cry, he was still trembling from the electrical shocks and his limbs hadn't recovered yet. He could only lay there, helplessly pinned to the bed by exhaustion as Shun wriggled his pants off and tossed them aside, then pulled his underwear down and left him bare and vulnerable.

Yuya moaned, closing his eyes as Shun started to rub the inside of his thighs. Shun let out a breath, closing his eyes for a moment. Yuya could already see the bulge in his pants and he felt a choking sensation coming up through his throat. No, no, no, please, he didn't want this—

“Yuto, you love me, right?” he whispered. “You love me, don't you?”

Yuya almost couldn't speak.

“I—I love you, of course, Shun,” he said, but he couldn't feel any of the meaning in it that he had started to feel yesterday.

Shun nodded, as though he had just been reassuring himself.

“Right, of course, I know that you do,” he mumbled. “I love you, too, Yuto....I love you so much...I know what you said before was just a mistake....”

“R-right,” Yuya said, his voice choked. “J-just a mistake. You know I love you.”

Shun ran his tongue over his lips as his fingers started to ghost inwards towards Yuya's genitals, and Yuya sucked in a breath, tears springing to his eyes. Shun's other hand moved to his own pants, starting to pull the fly open and ease them down around his hips so that he could reveal his already half-erect penis. Yuya bit down hard on his lip to stop himself from screaming.

“I...I have to try harder,” Shun mumbled, almost to himself. “I thought—I thought bringing you here was enough, enough to help you become Yuto again but—but I think—I'm going to have to get rid of him, too...”

Yuya blinked through the blur in his eyes—what? What was he talking about?

Shun picked up Yuya's legs under the knees and settled them around his waist.

“G-get rid of who?” Yuya whispered.

Shun shook his head.

“Don't worry, Yuto, please don't worry, I don't want to ruin this moment,” he said, reaching up to caress Yuya's cheek. “I just—if he's still on your mind somewhere in there, I have to...to help you become Yuto, I have to make sure that he's out of the picture...”

And then, even through the pain and panic, Yuya knew exactly what Shun was talking about.

Reiji.

He was talking about killing Reiji.

Shun was going to _kill Reiji_. So that—so that Yuya wouldn't think about him, so that Yuya could become Yuto with nothing in the way—

Yuya felt a scream coiling up in his throat as Shun sat up, poised over him, Yuya's breaths were suddenly short and he was hyperventilating—

A loud thump rang against the side of the house, almost shaking the wall. Yuya actually did scream, and Shun swore, his eyes flickering up towards where the sound had come from. He put his hand on Yuya's chest, pressing him down against the bed. For a second, neither of them moved, neither of them spoke—the only sound was their breath, Yuya's short ones and Shun's long, heavy breaths.

He swore under his breath, and then fumbled for his pants and pulled them back up over his cock.

“I'll be right back,” he said, pushing against Yuya's chest. “Stay right here. Don't worry, I'll protect you.”

Yuya couldn't even speak, but then Shun was lifting off of the bed and striding out of the room, and Yuya was alone. Yuya felt his heart thrumming in his ears. He couldn't hear anything except his rushing blood. He was just...laying there, alone, and half naked, waiting for Shun to come back so that he could rape him....waiting for Shun to come back and finish with him so that he could then leave and...and kill Reiji.

Yuya had never felt so alert since he got here, the entire world felt so crystal clear and he felt like his brain was floating. Was he—was he disassociating? Ghost pains still made his skin trembled where the stun gun had struck him. His neck stung slightly from the cuts from the knife...

The knife.

Yuya rolled his head over on the pillow, and he saw it. Left there on the nightstand, just within Yuya's reach, right where Shun had left it.

He wasn't tied up. His hands were free. Nothing was stopping him from grabbing it.

His brain wrestled with itself.

_Shun—Shun's not that bad, he's not. It...it wasn't so bad being Yuto, when he was being nice..._

_He's not being fucking nice, he's—he's hurting me. That's not...that's not right..._

_He just needs help, he needs help, he's confused and lost just like I am._

_That doesn't give him the excuse to do this, that doesn't give him the right to—to fucking kidnap me and to do this to me and oh god he is going to actually rape me._

_He just wants Yuto back. Being Yuto isn't so bad. I want Yuto back too._

_I don't want to_ be _Yuto, though._

 _He wants to kill Reiji_.

That was the thought that settled it, and without thinking, Yuya was rolling himself over and his hand was falling on the knife hilt. His roll used too much force to get over the pain in his limbs and he yelped as he went tumbling onto the floor. The knife rolled out from under his hand and he collapsed in a heap. For a moment, he scrabbled against the floor—there. The knife was there.

His bare skin scratched against the old carpet as he clutched the knife to his chest, feeling the thin black hilt under his hand and the tiny prick of the blade where it touched his chest.

He heard feet in the hallway. Shun was coming back.

“Looks like it was nothing, maybe just a raccoon,” he said. “I'm sorry, Yuto, I didn't meant to leave you...oh, dammit, when did you fall? Are you okay?”

His voice was filled with so much concern that Yuya almost faltered. But his hand fell on Yuya's shoulder and he remembered the electric shocks and the drowning and his big cock lined up at his entrance, and he blanked out for a second while Shun turned him around to try and lift him back up and then—

“Ah?”

Shun's sound was so—surprised. As though he had just tripped over something in the hall.

Yuya's hands trembled around the hilt of the blade, plunged all the way up to the hilt in Shun's chest. He didn't—he didn't even remember stabbing.

Shun's eyes were wide, his lips parting. He looked so—surprised. So shocked. It was like he couldn't process what was happening. Yuya couldn't either. Shun was bleeding. Oh god, he was bleeding, it was coming out around the knife and onto Yuya's fingers.

For a moment, Shun's fingers fumbled for Yuya's hands, wrapped around them for a moment. Panicked, Yuya ripped his hands away, but his hands were locked so tightly around the blade that it came with him, and Shun choked as the blade left his chest. Blood immediately welled to the wound, soaking around the fabric of his shirt. Shun groped for his hands again, found his shoulders instead and gripped tightly, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt hanging around his sides.

“Y-Yuto,” he mumbled. “I-I—”

And then he was collapsing heavily against Yuya, gasping for breath, and Yuya dropped the knife and threw his arms around Shun, feeling the tears rolling down his face.

“Shun,” he choked. “Shun, please, I—”

Had he—had he stabbed that deeply? He hadn't actually—had he—

Shun sounded like he was choking. His hand flopped upwards, tried to find Yuya's face, and he cupped it for a moment, his head resting heavily over Yuya's shoudler.

“Yuto,” he mumbled again, sounding like he was choking. “Yuto, I'm—I'm sorry...”

Yuya choked on his own tears. He couldn't hold Shun up, he was too heavy, and slowly, Shun slid down into Yuya's arms. Yuya tried to push him over, but he could only get him onto his side, so that his head was lolling over the side of Yuya's knees, his eyes looking up at him hazily. He groped for Yuya's face again.

“I'm...sorry,” he said again. “I-I....”

“Shun, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please don't die, Shun, please, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—”

Yuya was crying, he couldn't stop, he pressed his hand to the wound on Shun's chest but the blood just keep seeping slowly out from under his fingers, thick and warm and sticky and he couldn't get it to stop.

It seemed like shock more than anything that was keeping Shun limp, he still stared at Yuya as though he had never seen him before, tears in his eyes, gasping for breath. He flopped a hand on top of Yuya's, squeezing it.

“I couldn't...couldn't protect you again...”

“No, Shun, it's okay, you—you were protecting me, I'm sorry, this is—this is my fault, I'm so sorry—”

Shun sucked in a heavy, thick sounding breath, rattling his whole body. His eyes were getting hazier, he looked like he was probably going to pass out—what had Yuya nicked inside him, had he actually cut something in his heart?? Oh, god, Shun was actually going to die and Yuya _killed him—_

Then for one brief, startling moment, Shun's hand tightened around Yuya's hand, and his eyes looked clear, clearer than anything that Yuya had seen from him in...in _months_. Not since before Yuto had died.

His lips opened, but he seemed to be have trouble getting the words out.

“I,” he mumbled. “I'm....sorry....Yu...ya...”

Yuya almost choked.

That was—

That wasn't Yuto's name.

That was _his_ name.

And then, Shun's hand was sliding off of his, and his head was starting to loll back—he was still breathing, but he seemed to be passing out—

“Shun,” Yuya mumbled, his voice thick as he tried to flounder for Shun's hand again, but it kept slipping free because of the blood between their palms. His voice rose up slowly and then turned into a scream. “Shun! Shun, please! _Shun!_ ”

But he wouldn't open his eyes. He wasn't waking up, his breaths were getting slower, the blood was still slowly creeping across his shirt as in slow motion Yuya scrabbled for his shirt and dug his fingers into it and tried to scream but he couldn't even hear his own voice anymore, and Shun's eyes didn't even flutter.

Yuya could only throw himself across Shun's chest and sob, unable to hear his own screams.

An indeterminable amount of time later—it could have been minutes, it could have been hours—after Shun's chest had already stopped rising and falling, Yuya heard the door slam open.

“This is Maiami City Police!”

Yuya could barely even look up, his face stained with tears and blood, as he saw the officer stomp into the doorway and heard him swear.

Sometime after that, Yuya thought that he must have blacked out.

 


	12. Aftermath

“Yuya!”

Yuuri stopped in his tracks when Yuya actually _flinched_ at just the sound of his own name. He held up his hands, feeling his heart thrumming in his chest, Yuya staring at him like a rabbit caught in the head lights.

The old cabin in the woods was a bustle of activity. It had been an hour since they had heard that Yuya had been found and he was alive, an hour before they allowed them to come up the mountain and actually see it for themselves. There were police officers surrounding the cabin, a man in a suit that was probably a detective arguing with a police woman on the deck. There was....there was a body bag on the deck. Yuuri tried not to look at it.

Yuuri hadn't actually believed the call that Yuya was alive until he saw him, sitting on the edge of an ambulance, wrapped in a blanket and shivering.

“Yuya?” he breathed, feeling tears prick his eyes.

Yuya just sat there shaking, tears bubbling at the corners of his eyes, his lip trembling.

“Yuuri,” he finally breathed, and Yuuri took that as permission to come closer.

He wanted to throw his arms around Yuya. He was _alive_ , oh god, he was alive. He was real and he was right in front of him. But he looked so tiny, so fragile, so....so shattered. There was a deadness behind his eyes that terrified Yuuri. His hands trembled at his sides, uncertain if he was allowed to touch him.

Yuya's hands tightened against the blanket as a tear tracked down his face—behind him, Yuuri could hear the roar of Yugo's motorcycle finally catching up to the top of the hill, could hear Yugo skidding to a stop, his helmet bouncing across the ground as he threw it and started shouting at the first police officer he saw to tell him where Yuya was. Yuuri was acutely aware of the other police car opening to release his parents, their shoes squicking through the mud as they ran towards them.

Yuuri tried to step forward again, but then a paramedic hurried over and pushed him back.

“We still need to check him for shock, please hang on a moment,” she said gently.

Yuuri _wanted_ to throw the woman out of the way and get over to his brother, but he obeyed, however unwillingly. He stepped back as the woman walked over to Yuya again, talking in a soothing voice to him while she pulled the blanket out of the way so she could check his blood pressure.

Yuuri trembled. Yugo ran over to him, his mouth wide open as though to start shouting, but Yuuri grabbed him and yanked him back.

“Give him space,” he hissed.

Yugo looked at him as though he were speaking another language, but something in Yuuri's eyes must have gotten through to him, because he shut his mouth. His eyes flickered nervously towards Yuya, chewing on his lip. Then he let Yuuri tug him away, over to where their parents had been caught by the police chief.

“...no, he hasn't sustained any major, life-threatening injuries,” the officer was saying. “He's very shaken, and we don't know the details of what happened in there...I'm afraid Kurosaki-san was already long-gone when we arrived.”

“How did he die?” Yuuri said, his voice quivering. “Who killed Kurosaki?”

The officer and Yuuri's parents both looked up at him with surprise, as though they had just noticed he was there. Yuuri's hands were shaking and he rolled them into fists to try to still them. He could feel a buzz at the back of his head, and he knew that Yugo was staring at him and his parents were exchanging a concerned glance but he didn't care.

He found himself standing there trembling because he was angry.

Angry that someone else had killed Kurosaki before he did.

The officer let out a breath that flapped his lips, rubbing the back of his neck. He looked back at Yusho and Yoko, completely ignoring Yuuri as though they had asked the question instead of him.

“That's where this gets a little...shaky,” he said. “All the signs point to your son being the one that ended up killing him, and that's what he keeps telling us, too. He...when he woke up, he was asking us to arrest him.”

Yoko swore very loudly and then pressed a hand to her mouth, her shoulders shaking. Yusho's hands shook before he fumbled for her shoulder, pulling her towards him. He looked dead-eyed, but it was nothing compared to the deadness Yuuri had seen in Yuya's eyes.

Yuuri felt like he couldn't breathe for a moment.

His brain supplied the words but he didn't want to believe them. _Stockholm Syndrome_. Yuya was going to blame himself for this for the rest of his life.

Yuuri turned on his heel and stalked back towards Yuya. The paramedic looked up as though to shoo him away, but Yuuri ignored her. Yuya tensed as Yuuri approached, but Yuuri only dropped to the ground in front of him, putting his hands on top of Yuya's and finding his eyes.

“This is not your fault,” he hissed through his teeth. “Nothing about this is _your fault_.”

Yuya looked down at him, those dead eyes almost not even responding.

And then his eyes welled up with tears and he fell forwards off of the edge of the ambulance so that he could throw his arms around Yuuri and Yuuri hugged him as tightly as he dared while Yuya sobbed and babbled, _it is my fault, I killed him, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I couldn't—I wasn't enough, I wasn't enough I wasn't enough—_

Yuuri did not close his eyes, because he knew that if he did, he would start to imagine all the different ways that he would have murdered Kurosaki Shun.

* * *

Yuya slept for most of the next two weeks.

The hospital kept him for another two after that. Reiji had never thought he would hate hospital more than he did this one. Cold. White. Sterile. There were always people fussing around Yuya. Psychiatrists, nurses, doctors. Reiji could see in Yuya's eyes how nervous he was every time someone moved closer to him, could see him flinch every time he had to get some kind of shot or needle.

Every time a police officer or a detective would come in to try and gently talk to him about what happened, Yuya would break down. It would end with him crying into a blanket and babbling that he needed to be arrested because he killed Kurosaki. Only, Yuya didn't call him Kurosaki anymore. It was always “Shun.”

Sometimes, when Reiji said his name in hello when he came to visit, Yuya didn't respond right away. Sometimes, he actually flinched. Reiji stopped saying his name.

Yugo always talked with a choked voice and looked like he wanted to bolt, but he never did. He tried to smile, bringing Yuya books to read that Yuya never opened, but always smiled and accepted nonetheless. Yusho was by every single day. He had gotten the next three weeks off of work. He tried his best to keep up a conversation, but it was mostly just him talking and Yuya smiling blankly every now and then. Sometimes it would end with Yuya crying again and Yusho would hug him and they'd just sit there for a while. Yuya would always apologize. Yusho never seemed to know how to respond except to hug him a little tighter.

Yoko was in every day, too. She would fuss about something or another. Something in the room was never good enough and she was constantly getting up to badger a passing nurse, except during the times when Yuya would grab her shirt and, panicked, whisper “ _please don't go._ ”

Every now and then, Yuya would look into his reflection on a cup and try to push his hair over, and Reiji knew that he was trying to change it back into Yuto's style. A dead horror would pour through his eyes as he noticed what he was doing, and he would quickly mess his hair back up. Reiji would see Yuuri's hands twitch in the middle of whatever he was doing, usually pretending to water or rearrange the flowers that he kept bringing in more of every day.

Reiji didn't know that he could hate a dead person so much.

Kurosaki didn't have a funeral. Ruri didn't tell anyone what arrangements she made and no one wanted to know.

Ruri came by exactly once. She looked like she was on the verge of a breakdown the entire time, and it took Yuya exactly thirty seconds to start crying and apologizing over and over. Ruri ended up collapsing in tears, constantly responding to Yuya's apologies with an apology of her own. She was escorted out five minutes later because she was distressing Yuya. Reiji didn't see her again for months. Selena eventually told him that she had had to talk Ruri out of no less than four suicide attempts. She spoke haltingly and exhausted, permanent bags under her eyes as though she hadn't slept in weeks. Reiji wondered how they were even managing to hold it together.

He wondered if he and Yuya could.

He woke up with a start one evening, wondering what time it was—was it almost the end of visiting hours already? His book was splayed over his knee, and he couldn't remember falling asleep.

Yuya's eyes caught the light of the setting sun as Reiji realized that he was awake, and looking right at him. His cheeks looked so hollow...

“Reiji,” he whispered, his voice cracking. “ _Reiji_.”

Reiji leaned forward, briefly reaching for Yuya but then hesitating when Yuya tensed, and drawing his hand back. His heart clenched.

“I'm here,” he said. “I'm right here.”

Yuya looked like he was on the verge of tears.

“Do you think...do you think Yuto hates me?”

Reiji couldn't stop himself from reaching on this time, putting his hand lightly on top of Yuya's so that he could pull away if he wanted to. He didn't, but Reiji felt his fingers curl a little bit.

“Oh, god, no,” Reiji said. “Why would he—”

“I killed Shun,” Yuya said, sounding dazed. “I killed...I killed the person Yuto loved.”

“No,” Reiji said, squeezing his hand lightly. “No, Yuto would never have been angry with you.”

Yuya dropped his head to his chest. He half smiled, but it was a tremulous, incredulous sort of smile.

“I still dream like I'm him, Reiji,” he mumbled. “I still—I dream about being him. I dream about loving Shun.”

“You're still recovering,” Reiji soothed. “You have to give yourself time.”

Yuya's eyes lifted up to Reiji's, and his eyes looked so sunken, so dead.

“I actually still think I love him,” he whispered, his voice trembling. “Can...don't you hate me, too?”

Reiji wanted to hug him, wanted to press him to him and squeeze the darkness out of him, but he knew he shouldn't, knew that Yuya wouldn't want him to.

“I would never, ever hate you,” he said. “Never.”

Yuya pressed his free hand to his mouth, sounding like he was choking for a moment. Tears leaked out over and down his fingers. Then his hand under Reiji's turned over so that he could grip it back.

“I'm afraid to sleep,” he whispered. “I'm afraid of becoming Yuto again. I'm—do you think Yuto hates me?”

He sounded so desperate, that Reiji felt like his heart was breaking.

“Yuto would never hate you,” he said. “Yuto would have understood why you had to do what you did. If...if Yuto would have hated anyone, it would have been...”

He didn't want to finish the sentence because Yuya was starting to look pained, so he let the sentence drop. Yuya's fingers were warm in his.

“Reiji,” Yuya whispered. “Do you think I can be better again?”

Tears pushed up through Reiji's throat and he couldn't stop them from blurring his eyes.

“Yes,” he said. “Yes. If you want to be.”

Yuya closed his eyes, jaw clenched.

“.....I want to forget,” he said. “I want to learn how to forget how to be Yuto.”

Reiji closed his eyes too, his hand pressed against Yuya's in a silent prayer. If a God existed, would it be too much to ask for the same wish...?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .....i don't know if that was satisfying at all, but i needed this to be done. i just needed this story to be over.
> 
> please don't expect anything like this from me ever again. i don't know if i like what writing this story did to my emotions, but maybe i'm just extra emotional tonight from other reasons.
> 
> thank you for reading and for all of the comments on this story, i'm truly glad if you enjoyed this (because i'm not sure if I did lol ^^; ). Have a wonderful rest of your day/night/week. Now I have a date with a fuck ton of fluff to make myself feel better about this fic.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Shadow In The Birdcage](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9211214) by [VoicesOfChaos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/VoicesOfChaos/pseuds/VoicesOfChaos)




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